


I won’t give in ‘til I reach the end, then I’ll start again

by voices_in_my_head



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: as they should have, link for Russian translation inside, mostly canon compliant except Thiam kiss in the elevator, takes place immediately after the finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28099827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voices_in_my_head/pseuds/voices_in_my_head
Summary: "“I kissed you,” Theo says, can’t help but to sound slightly exasperated because, honestly,he kissedLiam, and he thought he wasn’t interested?Liam shrugs, but Theo can see the way he’s not relaxed, shoulders tight, “we thought we were going to die. Maybe it was just… The adrenaline.”Theo blinks, then thinkswe’re both idiotsbecause here he’s been for the past two weeks debating over and over again with himself whether Liam thought anything of the kiss, and here Liam has been, thinking the exact same.“I didn’t kiss you because I thought we were going to die,” Theo says, even though he did, just a little bit. But that’s not the point he wants to make right now. “I did it because I wanted to.”"Or: After everything, Theo learns to be okay.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Comments: 32
Kudos: 163





	I won’t give in ‘til I reach the end, then I’ll start again

**Author's Note:**

> F r i e n d s, I am finally posting this fic. I started writing it in the beginning of october, as I got back into TW, and actually finished it not too long after but then just?? Kept it in my folder?? Yeah, what this fic led me to realise is that editing is my actual nemesis. But! Finally, it's here.
> 
> I had a wonderful time writing it and truly hope you all enjoy it :)
> 
> Translation into Russian by jjaeno: https://ficbook.net/readfic/10350482/26636330

Kissing Liam isn’t one of Theo’s stupidest choices in life – he’s pretty sure everyone who knows him would say that the list is, in fact, endless – but it certainly isn’t one of the smartest either – and again, would anyone who knows him actually say he’s ever made one of those?

But at the time, there had been a good possibility that the two of them were going to die, so Theo had figured that if there ever was a moment to do something he’d thought of for far too long, it was on his last moments on this earth (which, coincidentally, helped him in not thinking of what, where, _who_ , exactly, awaited him in the afterlife).

At the time, stuck in an elevator surrounded by hunters, the worst thing to come out of kissing Liam had been getting punched.

But now… Now they’re both alive and Theo can’t stop thinking about the kiss.

It hadn’t been an earth shattering kiss – if those even existed outside romantic films and books. There had been too much adrenaline running through their veins for it to be truly soft, and Theo’s mind had been a repetition of _“he’s going to punch me”_ and _“we’re going to die”_ to really do much more than just plant one on Liam.

Their lips had stayed locked for three seconds, if that, and then Theo had let go of Liam’s face and Liam… Liam had looked at him.

Not in disgust or hate. Not even like _well, that wasn’t such a bad kiss to be my last_ but like… Like he saw Theo. Like what was important wasn’t that he’d been kissed one last time, but that that kiss had been with Theo.

And that… That isn’t something Theo is equipped to deal with, in the least.

So he decides not to deal with it. Not right then, and not afterwards.

The moments after taking Gabe’s pain away and feeling life slipping away from him are quiet. And then the sheriff comes running in with Parrish and Scott’s dad and it’s all business.

Theo stands back as Melissa goes first through Liam, then Mason and Corey to make sure they’re all right before approaching him. She gives him a professional once over, asking if he’s hurt – there’s a bullet imbedded somewhere on his shoulder, but Theo will take care of it alone afterwards – and that’s it.

Eventually, someone comes by with a stretcher to take Gabe’s body away and then the elevator opens once again and Scott, Malia, Stiles and Lydia come off it.

“Scott!” Melissa half sighs, half yells and then launches herself at him, while the sheriff does the same to Stiles. Lydia and Malia just smile at the sight.

There are several hugs distributed all around afterwards, while Theo just stands there, looking at the trail of blood Gabe had left behind while dragging himself to a sitting position.

“Thank you,” a voice – Scott’s – brings him out of his daydreaming and Theo looks up to see him standing with a hand outstretched.

Theo blinks, once, then twice, before finally raising his own hand and shaking Scott’s. “There’s blood on your face,” he says, though he doubts Scott’s unaware of it.

Scott shrugs as he drops Theo’s hand, “you can’t see if you don’t have eyes.”

Theo’s stomach does a somersault at that, but at least he doesn’t outwardly shiver. Out of all the experiments the Doctors had done to him to study his healing and regeneration abilities, at least blinding him had never been one of them.

“Right,” Theo replies, stupidly, but what else is there to say?

Scott smiles, because of course he does, and then turns to walk away. But he hasn’t yet given two full steps before turning back.

“We’re all going to my place for pizzas and… well, we’re probably going to crash right after, but if you wanna come…” He doesn’t sound all that confident, but he also doesn’t sound like he’s being forced to do this. He just sounds… awkward.

Theo doesn’t miss the way Malia squints her eyes and glares at him, clearly having overheard the invitation, while Liam turns to him, and then just as quickly turns back, once he notices Theo looking his way.

“Thanks, but I’m alright,” Theo replies, not even feeling that regretful. Yeah, there’s a part of him that wants to belong to Scott’s pack, but the idea of just standing around awkwardly, clearly out of place around people who don’t care for him – in the best case scenario – makes him stomp on that wish pretty hard.

He doesn’t miss the way Liam turns back to him at that, lips slightly downturned. But Theo stands his ground; if anything, Liam wanting him there just solidifies in his mind just how much he should not accept Scott’s invitation.

He doesn’t want to talk to Liam right now.

“Maybe next time,” Scott says, and then claps Theo on the shoulder, like that’s something they do. Finally, he walks away. And so does Theo.

He doesn’t look back as he goes to the elevator. Inside, he gets a glimpse of Liam’s face just before the doors close.

.

Theo thinks about leaving Beacon Hills.

There is no actual reason for him to stay, after all. The couple he’d found, paid for and scared into being his fake parents are long gone, and so is the house they were staying at, considering they’d done all the paperwork. Theo had given them access to an account by the Dread Doctors and surprise surprise, they’d cleaned it out before leaving.

It hadn’t exactly been a hardship to get hired as a bartender at Sinema, Theo’s abs making up for his lack of experience as a bartender. But he didn’t make enough money to eat, pay rent and buy whatever else he wanted/needed, so he’d simply been sleeping in his truck.

It isn’t exactly the most comfortable of choices, but it it’s not like Theo hasn’t spent a fair amount of time sleeping on cold stone floors. He can deal.

But bars willing to hire people with questionable paperwork – he’d never been officially declared dead, but the sheriff hadn’t been all that interested in helping him with a believable story for why he went missing for several months besides a simple runaway one – aren’t exactly something that can only be found in Beacon Hills.

Everything Theo owns is currently either in his possession or in his truck, he can get his GED pretty much anywhere in the country and… well, what else is there?

And it would probably be better literally anywhere else, where he’s just another unknown without a long list of murdered and hurt people behind.

But Theo finds that he doesn’t like that thought. For better or worse, the only connections he has – and they aren’t exactly strong – are in Beacon Hills and Theo is having a hard time giving them up.

Possibly one specifically more than others, but that isn’t something he’s thinking about right then.

So Theo stays. He doesn’t enroll in a GED program, but he does keep going to work, falling asleep in his truck – finally finding a good spot in the Hale property where no deputy bothers him – eating take-away and spending a good portion of his morning in the gym.

He doesn’t go there just for an excuse to brush his teeth and shower, but because he genuinely enjoys working out. While he can’t go as hard as he would with no one to see, if he spends enough time doing repetitions, eventually even his brain gets lost in it, and just for a little while, Theo knows peace.

Plus, he genuinely enjoys the yoga classes.

Though one week and four days after the last time he saw anyone from the McCall pack, that might just be about to change.

Theo walks inside the classroom in loose joggers and a tank top that has seen better days to find one Lydia Martin already stretching on a mat – one she’d brought along, not like the other cheap plastic purple and pink ones that are strewn about.

Theo squints at her, pausing at the entrance. Lydia can’t not notice him, what with the huge mirror wall in front of them, but she doesn’t say or do anything.

Beacon Hills might be small, but this certainly isn’t the only gym or health center around. What are the chances Lydia has simply found the same one Theo has been going to for months?

Yeah, Theo doesn’t put much stock in coincidences either.

With a sigh, he walks in, sitting down on a mat next to Lydia. Might as well find out what she wants.

“Why are you here?” He asks, cutting straight to the chase.

Lydia turns to him with a brilliant, though cutting, smile.

“I hear yoga is good for elasticity. And relaxation.”

Theo rolls his eyes. He isn’t really angry at Lydia’s presence; she’s free to do whatever she wants, but it throws him for a loop, which Theo doesn’t usually enjoy. He takes a couple breaths to center himself again.

If this was an emergency, Lydia wouldn’t be acting this calm. And Theo’s pretty sure that if Scott wanted him out of his territory, he’d come himself, not send her.

“Why are you here?” He decides to repeat himself.

“Didn’t you hear me the first time?” Lydia asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Fine,” Theo bites out and starts doing his own stretching. She’ll tell him why she’s there sooner or later. And if she doesn’t… Theo isn’t actually that much of a curious person. He’d certainly learnt over the years that somethings were better left unquestioned.

He catches Lydia glancing at him once in a while, but they aren’t the appreciative glances Malia had given him once upon a time. No, these ones are… assessing.

Theo has no idea what Lydia is looking for, but he isn’t going to let himself get riled up over it.

Finally, the teacher arrives and the class starts.

Despite Lydia’s words, as if she’d never done yoga before, it’s quite clear that isn’t the case. She has absolutely no trouble following the class, even though it’s an advanced one.

Theo eventually just tunes her out. He likes yoga. Yeah, it’s relaxing and it sure does wonders for his elasticity, but it requires concentration too, and strength and equilibrium.

The hour passes in silence apart from the relaxing music and the teacher’s instructions and Theo has almost forgotten Lydia’s there until they’ve all bowed and she’s waiting outside the class.

“How do you feel about brunch?” She asks without preamble.

Theo raises an eyebrow, “as a life choice?”

“As a meal choice,” Lydia replies, giving him a tight smile, which she somehow manages to pull off without it seeming passive aggressive.

“Never had it,” Theo says, shrugging, not seeing a reason to lie.

“Want to change that?” Lydia asks and Theo studies her for a few seconds.

“With you?”

“Yes,” she answers and once again, not even in a patronizing _are you dumb?_ tone. Theo knows she’s going off to college to study mathematics – a semester behind, like Scott – but he personally thinks being a lawyer suited her better. Or, God, a politician. She’d rule this country from the curtains like a boss.

Lydia raises an eyebrow and makes a humming sound, making Theo realize he’s just been staring at her for the past few seconds.

“OK,” he replies. He still doesn’t know just what it is Lydia is trying to accomplish, but he’s… willing to go along with it. And although Theo’s never had brunch, he has heard it mentioned a few times. It sounds nice.

“I’ll see you outside in fifteen minutes,” Lydia says, turning around to the women’s locker without a second glance.

“I don’t need fifteen minutes,” Theo replies to her back.

Lydia turns back at the door, “I do,” then she walks inside and Theo can’t help but to laugh.

He goes to the men’s locker room without further ado, doing his regular morning routine without any other surprises.

He’s outside the gym about five minutes before the time Lydia told him, and she makes him wait every one of them.

She leads the way in silence, which Theo is more than cool with. What, exactly, are they supposed to talk about? Should he pretend like he hadn’t manipulated her mind and left her behind, which then led to her going to Eichen House? Ask her about college dorms? Theo mentally scoffs just at the idea of it.

God, what are they doing? Still, Theo had said yes and he’s going to see this through.

After almost ten minutes, they arrive at a small café, Lydia opening the door for him to pass, to which Theo raises an eyebrow but nods in thanks before walking inside, her heels clicking behind him.

Lydia asks for a table for two and it’s only after they’re sitting, have been handed menus, looked through them, made their choices and handed them back, that she starts talking.

“So, Theo,” Lydia puts her elbows on the table and her head on top of her interlaced fingers.

“Yes, Lydia,” he replies. Theo doesn’t feel nervous; he has no idea just what the hell’s going on, but if she thinks she makes him nervous, she has another thing coming. Her Banshee powers might be dangerous, but they definitely don’t scare him.

“I didn’t know you liked yoga,” she says and Theo blinks. That’s not what he was expecting but what the hell, right?

“Like you said, it’s relaxing and great for elasticity,” Lydia nods and then, for some reason, Theo decides to tell her something else. Something true and open. “And I like how you need to concentrate, how it takes effort to improve.”

Lydia blinks, Theo having caught her off guard. Which is partly why he’d said what he had, but mostly… Either this is some sort of test or a trap. If the latter, Theo will just make sure to keep his guard up – not exactly something he’s unused to. If this really is a test… Theo doesn’t know what it’s for, but he’s willing to go along with it; it’s not exactly an unusual occurrence for him.

“That’s a good answer,” she says and leans back, putting her hands on her lap.

“Why come to the gym I work out at?” Theo asks and it takes a few seconds before Lydia answers, spending them attentively studying Theo. Again, with the type of people (if they could even be called that) Theo had spent a good portion of his life with, it doesn’t even make him fidget.

“You haven’t left town, which makes me assume you’re not going to. And if you’re not going to… We need to decide what to do with you.”

“What to do with me?” Theo asks, and while his voice sounds as normal as usual, and no muscle in his face moves the wrong way, his heart still jumps. Luckily, he’s with someone who won’t be able to pick that up. Which makes him think that there might just be someone around who can, but if he pays attention now, he’ll lose the next words out of Lydia’s mouth, which he’s unwilling to.

“You’re not part of the pack,” Lydia says and Theo rolls his eyes, though his heart does the rapid beating again. He really wishes no one’s around to catch that.

“I’m well aware,” he replies.

“But you’re not not pack. You’re… an ally.”

An ally. That isn’t… bad. Though considering the people Scott allied himself with in times of need, it isn’t exactly great either.

But Theo had been an ally before. And then he’d simply gone for what he wanted anyway.

Theo almost asks _“are you waiting for me to betray you again?”_ but something stops him. It isn’t like he’d been putting a new idea in Lydia’s mind; not with as much time as she spends with Stiles. And anyhow, not like she didn’t have her own personal reasons not to trust him.

“Are you planning on sticking around?” Lydia finally asks.

“For now,” Theo decides to answer which, again, isn’t a lie. It’s not like he has the next five, ten years of his life planned (he barely has the next year planned).

“Any special reason?” Lydia asks, once again studying him, unwilling to miss anything he might give away.

This time, Theo doesn’t reply right away. Instead, he frowns. What is she…? _Oh_.

Is she asking for Liam? Though Theo can’t really imagine him going about such a roundabout way. Or had Theo been too obvious?

“Do I need one?” He finally settles on, heart beat going faster than normal for a few seconds, before he quickly makes it go back to regular.

Lydia studies him for a few more seconds before shrugging, “I guess not.”

Before they can continue, their food is delivered, some type of vegetarian bruschetta for Lydia while Theo had gone for benedict eggs and pancakes.

They start eating in silence, surprisingly not as awkward as Theo had feared. Then again, he might be known for a lot of things, but awkwardness definitely isn’t one of them. That would imply he actually gives a shit on what people think or expect.

“Is it good?” Lydia asks and it takes Theo a few seconds to realize she’s talking about the food.

“Yeah,” he says, and after a few seconds, “do you want a bite?”

Lydia looks surprised at it, then down to his plate and Theo is pretty sure they’re both thinking the same: what’s the probability he somehow poisoned a small portion of his food just for this scenario?

Apparently, not a lot, since Lydia nods. “Just the pancake, please.”

Theo cuts up a piece and after making sure it has syrup on it – he likes them simple – puts it on her plate.

“It’s good. Do you want to try mine?”

“I’m OK, thanks,” Theo replies and he still doesn’t feel awkward, just straight out of some parallel universe situation instead. Do people really do this? Brunch with someone who killed one of their closest friends, gone to hell – or something alike – for it and then became a reluctant ally? (More reluctant on their part than Theo’s, but he isn’t willing to look too carefully at that right now. Or ever.)

“Do you like shopping?” Lydia asks after another minute of them eating in silence.

“Shopping what?” Theo asks, though he has an idea what she’s asking.

“Clothes. You have a good sense of style,” she tells him, giving him a clinical once over.

“I don’t mind it,” he finally settles on. It isn’t like he goes just for shits and giggles, but he doesn’t hate it. It’s just… something that has to be done; he can’t exactly walk around naked. And yeah, he does enjoy getting appreciative glances in clothes that fit him well.

“We should go sometime. No one else wants to,” she rolls her eyes and Theo blinks. From anyone else, this would probably just sound like an empty, polite invitation. But with their history… this is more.

This is an olive branch, Theo finally realizes. For one reason or another, Lydia’s trying to… Maybe not become his friend, but at least be on friendly terms with him. Theo has no idea if it really does have something to do with Liam or not, but he finds that he doesn’t completely hate the idea.

“I like bookstores,” he tells her and continues before Lydia can get a chance to comment. “I don’t buy a lot of books, but I like being in bookstores. I like languages.”

“Really?” Lydia asks, not unbelieving, but curious, genuinely so. “Do you speak anything other than English?”

“Yeah, French, German and Spanish. Some Russian too. You?” Theo asks and then takes a bite from his food. This… almost seems normal.

“Spanish and French. And Classical and Archaic Latin.”

Theo frowns, “Latin’s a good choice.”

“It’s come in handy,” Lydia replies and smiles. It’s different from the several ones Theo has already been on the receiving end that morning and it takes him a couple of seconds to figure out why. Those first smiles hadn’t been about Theo; they’d been ones that Lydia put on like she put on makeup. But this… It’s sent directly at Theo, for something he said.

It reminds Theo vividly of another smile that’s kept playing in his head for over a week (a week and four days to be exact) but he quickly squishes that mental remainder.

“Maybe we can trade,” Lydia says, bringing Theo out of his reverie. “You teach me German and I’ll teach you Latin.”

“Which one?” Theo asks, even though it doesn’t actually matter that much.

“Both,” Lydia says and then smiles again, still amused, but with something behind, something competitive. But friendly nonetheless. “Or don’t you think you can handle it?”

And Theo… Theo smiles back. Open, honest, not trying to hide or deceit. “I can handle it.”

“Good,” Lydia says and they go back to their food. But this time switching between English, French and Spanish, as well as talking about old books.

It feels good.

.

It’s been over two weeks since the fight at the hospital with Monroe’s hunters and Liam has texted Theo only once.

_“I hope you’re ok”_

Theo has been unlocking his phone and finding this message more often than not. He’s never replied, even though he’s started to several times. But what exactly is he supposed to say?

For the first time in a very long time, Theo’s starting to realize that he isn’t actually okay. Hell, that he hasn’t been okay in a very long time. That he isn’t entirely sure what being okay means, or how to achieve that.

But Theo isn’t a quitter. He’s already decided he isn’t leaving Beacon Hills anytime soon, so it’s probably time for him to find his place in it. It doesn’t have to be a big place, Theo’s starting to realize. It can be his own little place; he can be just… Ordinary.

Just the thought of the word makes his stomach clench, makes his fingers tighten on the wheel of his truck. He spent so long trying to achieve success, terrorized by the idea of being a failure, that now, to just… Give it all up… It’s not easy.

But doing the opposite, coming up with a new plan to get into Scott’s good graces, kill him a second time… That leaves him absolutely exhausted. And it doesn’t make him feel good either.

It’s not what he wants. Not anymore. So he has to figure out what he does want.

And the first thing Theo has decided he wants is to find a way to live peacefully with the other supernatural creatures in Beacon Hills. And the not so supernatural ones, but that absolutely can turn his life into a living hell if they want to.

Which finds him here, parked a couple houses away from the McCall residence.

Theo takes a deep breath before finally leaving the truck, reading Liam’s text one last time.

It’s already dark out, though it’s not too late yet. Still, Theo can’t help but to feel relaxed when he sees that Melissa’s car isn’t in the driveway.

He knocks, knowing that Scott most likely already knows he’s here, even if he’d probably never open the door without Theo showing he wanted him to, and forcing a conversation himself.

“Hey,” Scott says after opening the door, smiling. It’s not his giant sunshine one, but it’s not a fake one either. It’s just… Polite. Possibly friendly, but like you are to a cashier on a coffee shop. Well, it certainly beats a smile that just screams _you killed me, got dragged underground for it, are back, and now we have to pretend like nothing ever happened_.

But the thing is, Theo doesn’t want to pretend like nothing ever happened. Because that just makes him more anxious, waiting for the day the house of cards falls.

“Hey,” he says, hands in his jean pockets. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure. I just finished eating; do you want something?”

“I’m alright, thanks,” Theo replies, having chosen this exact time for that, as well as having eaten before. This conversation will already be awkward enough without the two of them chewing and swallowing between it.

Scott moves so that Theo can come in, closing the door behind him. Theo looks around, for lack of something to do, though he’s quite familiar with the McCall house. A couple of things are different, like the sofa, and it takes him a couple seconds to realize he’s analyzing the room as it is now from what he remembers when he was a child. He forces those memories down.

“Do you want something to drink?” Scott asks and Theo almost laughs, at how polite and hospitable he’s being. To the guy who killed him. But he forces it down; he’s pretty sure he doesn’t seem like the sanest guy at the best of times.

“I’m okay,” Theo responds and Scott nods. The two of them are still just standing, Theo in the middle of the living room, Scott still by the door.

“Have a seat,” Scott says, pointing to the sofa and Theo does, Scott sitting on an armchair to his right, the two of them not being forced to crane their necks to see each other.

“Thank you,” Scott starts, which is… Absolutely the last thing Theo was expecting.

“For what?” Theo asks, genuinely confused. And also bewildered. What the hell does Scott have to thank him for?

“For going to the hospital. Protecting Liam and my mom.”

Theo blinks, unsure how exactly he’s supposed to respond. Scott had already said it back at the hospital, but then it had felt… Perfunctory, maybe. But this… is real. Theo doesn’t know what to say and Scott keeps quiet as well, just looking at him, though not with the assessing look Lydia did it with; no, Scott is just… Looking, waiting him out.

It makes Theo’s stomach clench again, makes him remember when he first came back to Beacon Hills, how Scott trusted him and opened himself up, told him things Theo’s sure he hadn’t told anyone, except maybe Stiles, and even then…

It makes Theo feel guilty, which hasn’t exactly been a new feeling since he came back from the Skinwalkers’ prison, but it’s certainly not something he enjoys. And he’s with someone who can smell it on him. But Scott, of course, doesn’t mention it. His eyes do go a bit soft, but that’s all the reaction he gives to Theo’s change of smell.

“It was the least I could do,” Theo finally says, which is… An understatement. Is there anything he can ever do to make up for killing Scott? Somehow, he doesn’t even think that’s what Scott is more upset about, but that Theo betrayed him and, more importantly, went against his friends, messed them up.

“Still, you didn’t have to,” Scott says. “You could have left.”

He doesn’t ask why Theo stayed, which is… Kind of him. Theo doesn’t know what he would say if he asked him anyway. Yes, he knows part of why he stayed (Liam’s name runs through his head almost at the beat of his heart) but there’s also other reasons that he’s not as willing to look too deep into, and considering how he keeps avoiding the thought of Liam, that’s saying something.

“I’m sorry, for everything. Lying to you, pretending to be your friend, winning your trust and killing you,” Theo says, doesn’t shy away from everything he did. Everything he did to Scott; the list would be much longer if he decided to enumerate all his sins.

Scott doesn’t say anything right away, keeps on staring at Theo, who forces his body to be as relaxed as possible. His smell doesn’t change, his heart beat continues to be slow.

“You’re a great actor, possibly even better than Peter,” Scott finally says, which is… Not what Theo was expecting. He blinks, knowing the Peter Scott is referring to can only be Peter Hale, who Theo hasn’t officially met, but certainly has heard of.

“It’s hard to believe someone can be that good at pretending,” Scott continues and Theo blinks again, unsure just where Scott is trying to get this conversation to.

“I was pretending,” he finally forces out.

“Everything?” Scott asks and Theo frowns.

“Does it matter? I still betrayed you,” Theo says, now sounds a bit exasperated because just what is Scott doing? Trying to find something that proves Theo wasn’t a complete monster back then? Or that he wasn’t a total idiot for trusting him?

“Remember when Hayden was dying and Liam was going crazy and you said he was going to need help? You said he was in love, first love. You asked me if I remembered what that was like.”

Theo forces out a slow breath. “Why are you asking me that?” He feels wrongfooted. Yeah, he does remember that conversation. It had seemed like the right thing to say at the time, so he’d said it. It had been that simple.

“Have you ever had a first love, Theo?” Scott asks and he doesn’t look repulsed, like he’s asking so he can answer his own question with _you’re a monster, how could you ever love anyone_. He looks… sympathetic. Again. Theo feels like getting up and running out the door, but he forces himself to stay put, relaxes his fingers on top of his knees.

“Why are you asking that?” He repeats, doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to say.

“When the Dread Doctors killed Lucas, I asked them why. They said his condition was terminal. When I asked why a second time they said-”

“Failure,” Theo cuts him off, not wanting to hear Scott saying the word.

“I don’t think you had a first love because you didn’t get a chance to. Because you spent ten years being afraid of the Doctors and living the way they wanted you to.”

Theo’s heart is beating too fast and too strongly in his chest and he knows it, but there’s nothing he can do to stop it.

“I wasn’t a victim,” Theo forces the words out, now staring between his knees, not wanting to see Scott’s face.

“Weren’t you?” Scott asks and Theo drags in a ragged breath.

They stay like that for several long minutes, Theo trying to relax once again, realizing that he’s only capable of doing it once he focuses on Scott’s heartbeat, the way it’s strong and calm.

“You don’t know everything I’ve done,” Theo finally forces out, still refusing to look up.

“And what would have happened if you hadn’t done it?”

Theo flinches at that, can’t help it. He knows what would have happened, because he said no in the beginning. And even when he did exactly what they wanted him to, there still came times they told him to get on the metal table, that they needed to run tests.

 _“Success comes from pain,”_ one of them had told him once, and it hadn’t been supposed to be comforting, and it hadn’t been. It had just been… What it was.

 _“Sooner or later, physical pain is manageable,”_ those were Theo’s words to Donovan, before he convinced him to go after Stiles to get his revenge on Stilinski.

Theo’s hands are gripping his knees. It’s either that or let them shake and he’d rather look angry than afraid or nervous.

“I forgive you, Theo,” Scott says and this time, Theo does look back up, fast.

“What?” He asks, pretty stupidly.

Scott gives him a small smile. “I forgive you for killing me. And pretending to be our friend, making us trust you and then betraying us.”

“You’re an idiot,” Theo immediately says, pretty sure that otherwise he’s just going to… Start crying, or something.

“I’ve heard that before,” Scott says, shrugging, uncaring. And of course he is; Theo is pretty sure everyone who called him an idiot were proven wrong sooner or later.

Theo opens his mouth, but nothing comes out, so he closes it again. It’s not that the words hadn’t felt good hearing, but there’s still something… Something not right. Like they’re not enough. But Theo hasn’t got a goddamn clue just what the hell is going to make him feel better.

“I think now it’s time you worked on forgiving yourself,” Scott says and Theo closes his eyes. He knows he’s giving himself away, he knows he’s being too honest, that his walls have crumbled down, but he can’t… He can’t force himself to put them back up. Right now, the fact he isn’t rolled up in a ball on Scott’s sofa is already a pretty big achievement.

“Also, the sheriff told me you’ve been sleeping on your truck. I’m sorry I didn’t come talk to you about it before.”

Theo opens his eyes, frowning. “It’s okay,” he says, sounds a bit bewildered, because what does his living situation have to do with Scott?

“It’s not okay,” Scott says and sounds… Theo doesn’t even know. Like he feels bad that Theo thinks it’s okay to sleep in his truck, and not because it’s shameful, but because… It’s not what he deserves. Theo doesn’t know what to do with that so he doesn’t do anything.

“I talked to Derek and he says you can stay in his loft.”

Theo blinks. What?

“I’d offer you a room here but-”

“Your mom would kill you,” Theo interrupts and Scott frowns, like Theo just said something stupid.

“No, I didn’t think you’d be comfortable here.”

“Oh,” Theo says, and actually feels himself blush.

“It’s a bit bare, but it has a bed, kitchen and a bathroom. And Derek will keep paying the bills.”

“That’s okay, I can-”

“He wants to,” now it’s Scott’s turn to interrupt him. Theo stares at him for a few more minutes. He hasn’t even met Derek Hale and he’s offering to let him stay in his loft? For, apparently, an undetermined amount of time? And no cost?

But he’s not doing it for a stranger. He’s doing it because Scott asked. And Scott asked because he wants Theo to not live in his truck.

Theo feels like there’s something in his throat, something stuck.

 _Kindness._ That’s what this is. Theo can’t remember the last time he thought of that or had it directed his way.

“Thank you,” he finally forces the words out.

“You’re welcome,” Scott says and moves so he can take something out of his back pocket. It’s a key with a piece of paper folded. He passes both things to Theo. “That’s the key and the address.”

Theo holds them in one hand a bit unsure. Just like that?

“I can go with you, if you want. Or you can go alone. There’ll be sheets and towels in cupboards.”

Theo looks down at the key, just so he can hide his expression for a few seconds. Hanging out with Scott doesn’t sound like the worst thing, but it also sounds like too much.

“I’m okay,” he finally says, looking back up. Scott nods and smiles, not taking it as an insult at all. Theo opens his mouth, doesn’t say anything, and closes it again. But this time it’s not because he doesn’t know what to do, it’s just because the words are hard to say. He’s already said sorry, already been forgiven (and he still feels flabbergasted over it), but asking Scott if he wants to hang out suddenly seems like too much. “Thanks,” he finally settles on. Maybe he’ll get there, maybe he won’t.

“My pleasure,” Scott says and it sounds honest. Theo doesn’t know what to do with that either, so he finally gets up. Scott does it too. “I’m only leaving for college in a couple months; going to start a semester behind. So maybe we can hang out sometime?”

He still sounds honest. Not like he’s being polite, but like this is something he’s genuinely interested in. Theo almost yells in his face, feels this urge to grab and shake him, ask him _“why are you trusting me again?”_ but he realizes that he doesn’t want to know the answer. And not because, like with Lydia, there’s always the chance this is a long con. But because he’s pretty sure it’s not and that Scott does know the reason he stayed, the reason he’s still in Beacon Hills.

Not just for Liam, not even just for the chance of a pack. But because he simply doesn’t want to be alone.

“Yeah,” Theo finally croaks out, hopes he doesn’t sound un-thankful.

“Anytime,” Scott says and it sounds like a promise. Theo nods, finally moves to the door. He opens it but before he goes out, he turns back to Scott, who’s followed him, standing just a couple feet away.

“Thank you,” he says, leaves it at that, considering the list of things he has to be thankful to Scott keeps increasing.

“You’re welcome,” Scott says and smiles and Theo finally leaves. He can’t help but to take a deep breath in, then slowly let it out, knows that Scott probably heard it, but forces himself to not take it as a slight, to not imagine how this will all come back to bite him in the ass.

Theo goes to his truck, gets in and unfolds the piece of paper. There’s no reason not to sleep in a bed that night. He grabs his phone to put the address in, not that familiar with the area. Can’t help but to read Liam’s text one more time.

He remembers Scott’s words: _“I don’t think you had a first love because you didn’t get a chance to.”_ Maybe… Maybe that’s something he can work on too.

With one more deep breath, Theo turns the key in ignition and gets on his way.

.

There is, for the first time in Theo’s life, no path for him to choose. This has been true since he came back from the Skinwalkers’ prison, but he’d spent those first weeks helping Scott’s pack with the Ghost Riders, so the fact that the Doctors were no longer in his life, that there was absolutely nothing and no one telling him what to do, hadn’t really set in until after the battle was won.

What Theo really remembers from that, besides the fear that something was going to go wrong, that the Ghost Riders weren’t going to leave, that Douglas really could control them, was Malia’s words: _“he’s not part of it.”_

Theo isn’t just not part of Scott’s pack. He isn’t really a part of anything. Sure, he has a job, but if he stopped showing up for two days in a row, his boss would simply consider that he’d quit without warning, and that would be it.

He doesn’t go to school, doesn’t really have plans for college because he’s never really thought of it.

Looking back at the past, at researching Scott’s pack, deciding what was the best way to get them to trust him, then how to make sure he got their loyalty, Theo can’t help but to ask himself _“then what?”_ because in hindsight, it’s pretty damn obvious there was no _“after”_.

The Doctors certainly never cared. No matter how much of a success they considered him – and never in full, never without its setbacks, without him having to prove it over and over again – he was always just a tool on their way to getting the Beast.

There is nothing Theo has to do. The thought should feel freeing, but instead, sleeping on a bed for the first time in a long time, in a place a stranger lent him, all Theo feels is lost.

So, after telling his boss he’s sick, Theo spends the first two days in Derek’s loft sleeping, watching Netflix, and getting take-away (he wants to cook, now that he finally has a kitchen, but right now the desire to not leave this space triumphs that).

It’s not that Theo is testing the people around him. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to text him or to even show up and he knows it. And it’s not like he expects it (whether he does want it is a different question, but Theo is staying away from it right now).

He is aware, though, that he could text at least one number saved in his phone to come over and Liam would.

So, really, Theo spends two days sleeping, watching Netflix, getting take-away and thinking of Liam.

And Theo realizes he has a choice to make: he can either talk to Liam or he has to let him go. Because it’s unfair for Liam to be waiting around for someone who’s never coming.

(Late, at night, after the first day of doing absolutely nothing, sleeping on a bed with more empty space around him than he knows what to do with, everything smelling more of mold and dust than of any actual person, Theo wonders if that’s why Liam hasn’t texted again. If he hopes Theo stays away without a confrontation having to be forced.

He thinks, _what if he regrets kissing you back?_ and spends the rest of the night staring blankly at the ceiling.)

But the thing is, they’re not just two regular guys who met in some club, had a nice time, and are now figuring out if their interest is mutual, if their schedules combine to allow dating time, or whatever other reason regular teenagers decide to date or not date.

No, who they are is former enemies and then reluctant enemies. Well, no, the first thing they were was fake friends.

 _Liam said “we’ll talk after this”_ , Theo thinks sometime during his marathon of _Breaking Bad_.

 _He kissed you back_ , Theo thinks while eating Chinese.

And then, on the third night inside Derek’s loft, back sleeping in a real bed, Theo thinks _I don’t want to let him go._

On the third day of having an actual roof over his head, Theo gets up, takes a shower, gets dressed in the handful of clothes he still owns, goes grocery shopping and comes back with so much stuff he has to take two trips to his truck and, for the first time in his life, makes pancakes.

While he was out, Theo bought a small notebook and a couple pens too, and as he chews the first pancake – with chocolate chips because if you’re going to cook pancakes, you should do it right – he opens it up and starts writing.

They’re mostly questions.

_~~What am I going to do?~~ _

_What do I want to do?_

_What am I going to do next?_

_~~Who am I?~~ _

Theo has finally accepted that he does in fact want to keep Liam in his life. And not just him, but actually try and be worthy of Scott’s forgiveness, of Lydia’s friendship; that he has to make amends.

Most importantly, Theo realizes that whatever he wants to do, with whoever it is, it has to come first from himself.

The thought does scare him; there’s no one pulling his strings anymore (even if he doesn’t quite accept the thought, because he cut them off, he became more than what the Doctors wanted, he pulled his own strings, he wasn’t just a puppet), but Theo has never really been a quitter, so he finishes the pancakes, closes down the notebook, gets up, brushes his teeth, gets his jacket and leaves the loft, back to his truck.

Then he drives to Liam’s house, knocks and, for the first time in seventeen days, looks at Liam’s face.

“Hi,” Theo says, voice lower than usual and Liam frowns.

“I should punch you,” he says but Theo can tell he doesn’t actually feel that angry, from his smell and heartbeat. No, what he does smell is anxiousness, perhaps some slight excitement, but fear too. Theo forces himself to stop cataloguing everything he can sense from Liam, needing his full attention for this conversation. Besides, he knows Liam isn’t as good with recognizing chemo-signals, wants them to be on even ground, no matter how unfamiliar it feels underneath his feet.

“Probably,” Theo replies, forcing his attention back to the conversation at hand.

Liam looks at him for a couple of seconds, then deflates, leaning back on the door frame.

“I don’t really want to punch you.”

Theo almost smirks, thinks about commenting on the _really_ but pushes down on the urge just as fast. Instead, what he says is, “I’m sorry it took so long.”

Liam blinks, sighs and moves upright, taking a couple steps inside, front still turned to Theo, whose heart starts beating faster because what if this really is it? He waited too long, or Liam really did want him to stay gone or-

“Are you coming in or what?” Liam says, sounds exasperated but also… Fond?

Theo can’t help but to send a smile his way, even though it doesn’t feel natural in his face; he’s more used to having a smirking expression, something smug, amused or ironic. This, a gentle smile, isn’t really natural.

_It doesn’t mean it’s bad, though._

Theo walks inside, Liam closing the door behind him.

“My dad’s working and my mom’s gone shopping.”

“Right,” Theo says, even though he hadn’t really been thinking of that.

“Do you want something to drink?” Liam asks, back to the door, while Theo is just standing in the middle of the room.

“I’m okay,” Theo answers, even though he wouldn’t mind a glass of water. But Liam is stalling – so is him – and he can’t imagine spending the next five minutes following Liam into the kitchen, watching him pour drinks and then drinking them, like this is something they just do.

“So, what have you been up to?” Liam asks and while it’s not what Theo wants to talk about, he can see in Liam’s face that he genuinely wants to know.

“I moved into Derek’s loft a couple days ago.”

“Really?” Liam asks, eyebrows raised and Theo nods. The whole thing feels a bit… Like they’re characters from a play, just going through the lines.

“Yeah, he offered it through Scott.”

“So you’ve talked to Scott?” Liam immediately asks, though it doesn’t come exactly like a question. He talked too fast for the right intonation. He looks to the side, a light blush on his cheeks.

“Yeah,” Theo says, can’t help the way the word comes out in a breath, remembers snippets of their conversation. He knows Liam is wondering, but that he’s not going to ask. Theo ponders telling him something of what they talked about but all he can think about is their conversation about first loves and that is very much not something he wants to tell Liam about. Not right now, anyhow.

“So, you’re… Sticking around?” Liam asks, makes a face after that, like he told himself he wouldn’t ask, but couldn’t help himself. His hands are in his front pockets and Theo is pretty sure they’re clenched in fists.

“Yeah,” Theo repeats. “I am.”

Liam doesn’t say anything right away. Then, on an expel, like Theo, says, “good.”

Theo smiles. Suddenly, despite the fact that they’ve absolutely not had the conversation they have to, this doesn’t feel so hard anymore.

“Look, I’m not sure exactly what-”

“Do you want to go on a date?”

They both speak at the same time.

“What?” Liam asks, eyes a bit wide, face devoid of any type of mask and Theo, whose heart is beating faster, who just asked him out, can’t help but to make sure he has perfect control over his body, making sure nothing gives him away.

“What were you saying?” Theo asks, in a voice that doesn’t quiet sound like his, too throaty, hopes that his words were lost when they overlapped.

“You… asked me out on a date?” Liam asks and even though his face still looks open, Theo can’t for the sake of him figure out just what exactly is going on there.

 _You’re good at manipulating and getting people to do what you want, but not all that good when it comes to genuine emotions, uh?_ A voice inside his head speaks, which Theo quite loudly ignores.

“Yes, I did,” he replies because as bad as the outcome can be, he can’t imagine lying will lead to a better one.

“I…” Liam starts, then stops, takes a couple seconds to think, before opening his mouth again and saying, “I thought you weren’t interested. Since you never said anything.”

“I kissed you,” Theo says, can’t help but to sound slightly exasperated because, honestly, _he kissed_ Liam, and he thought he wasn’t interested?

Liam shrugs, but Theo can see the way he’s not relaxed, shoulders tight, “we thought we were going to die. Maybe it was just… The adrenaline.”

Theo blinks, then thinks _we’re both idiots_ because here he’s been for the past two weeks debating over and over again with himself whether Liam thought anything of the kiss, and here Liam has been, thinking the exact same.

“I didn’t kiss you because I thought we were going to die,” Theo says, even though he did, just a little bit. But that’s not the point he wants to make right now. “I did it because I wanted to.”

“Oh,” Liam says. Then, “with me?”

Theo doesn’t even bother not rolling his eyes. “Yes, with you.”

“How was I supposed to know? You ghosted me for two weeks!” Liam says, throws his hands in the air as he finishes, then crosses his arms instead of putting them back in his pockets.

“I…” Theo starts, then pauses, finally forces the words out. “I needed to think.”

Liam frowns and they stay like that for at least half a minute, Liam’s eyes wandering between Theo and his living room and Theo incapable of looking away from Liam.

“And you’ve… done that?” Liam asks and again, it comes out half a question, half not.

“Think?” Theo asks and Liam nods. “Yeah, I have,” he says, a lot more words running through his head, yet unable to say them.

“And now you want to… Go on a date?” Liam asks and his hands are squeezing his arms.

“I do,” Theo says, knows he should probably say something else, but can’t figure out just what. Doesn’t know if he wants to explain himself or convince Liam or… Anything, really.

Liam doesn’t say anything right away. Then he smiles, shy. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Theo answers, no pauses. This, at least, he can do.

“Okay,” Liam says and his smile grows. Theo walks towards him, Liam looking unsure, smelling slightly nervous, a bit excited – not afraid – but Theo doesn’t kiss him. Instead, he hugs him.

He can’t remember the last time he did that.

He has both his arms around Liam’s waist, who starts wiggling a bit, but only enough so that he can move his own arms to go around Theo’s neck.

“I’m sorry for ghosting you,” Theo mutters against Liam’s ear.

Liam doesn’t say anything right away. Finally, also in a low voice, he says, “thank you.”

Theo bends down and smiles against Liam’s neck, hears the way his heart flutters at the movement but, despite how much he wants, doesn’t kiss the skin beneath his lips, or anywhere, really. Instead, he just keeps holding Liam.

Theo can’t help but to inhale Liam’s smell. Not to try and decipher what he’s feeling from his chemo signals, but simply because it’s been a while since he’d smelled him. He hadn’t even realized he’d missed it.

Like all werewolves, Liam smells a bit like the earth, fresh, not after it’s been watered down and turned to mud. He smells of his soap and shampoo too, something flowery but not too strong, and below all that, something that’s simply Liam. It’s hard to describe it; not too strong, something… almost sweet.

“Are you sniffing me?” Liam asks, half amused, half incredulous and Theo doesn’t bother to pretend to be embarrassed over it.

“I missed you,” he forces the words out. He’s not used to putting himself out there, but this is Liam, and Theo finds that as afraid as he is of the response, it’s still worth it.

Liam inhales sharply before replying, “I missed you too.”

Theo squeezes him one last time before finally letting go. He wants to keep touching Liam; leave a hand on his waist, arm or neck, but he drops both of them by his sides. What’s between them is still unnamed and he doesn’t want to push it.

“So, the date?” Theo asks with a confident tilt to his mouth, even though he knows that if Liam pays attention, he’ll notice his heart is beating faster than normal. But it’s not exactly like he’s not on the same boat, so…

“What did you have in mind?” Liam asks and Theo blinks, not having actually thought that far.

What do people do on dates? He thinks about all the romantic scenes he’s seen in films and TV shows. Go out for a meal, go to the cinema, go bowling, go dancing…

“You choose,” Theo finally says, sure that he’ll just make a bad choice.

“We could… go to a restaurant,” Liam says and he’s blushing. Theo wonders if it’s the idea itself that’s making him embarrassed – the two of them going to a restaurant – or if it’s simply the idea of a date.

“Yeah,” Theo says.

“Good,” Liam says and the two of them keep standing there, staring at each other for several seconds until, finally, Theo gives a short laugh.

“I’m gonna go, then,” he says and Liam nods back. Theo walks a step forward and after making an _oh_ sound, Liam gets out of the way. He puts his hand on the door handle, but before he can open it, Liam puts a hand on his arm – not grabbing it – calling for his attention. Theo turns back with an inquisitive tone and then Liam is leaning forward.

He kisses him on the cheek, not the mouth.

Theo blinks, caught completely off guard. Liam leans back, blushing and embarrassed and Theo smiles at him, can’t help it, doesn’t even try to stop it.

His heart is back to beating faster than usual, but it’s another thing he doesn’t try to hide.

Eventually, Liam smiles back.

“I’ll text you the details. Tomorrow night?”

“Yeah,” Theo says and still smiling, opens the door and leaves, closing it behind him, to make sure he doesn’t do something stupid like go back and kiss Liam on the lips.

No, he’s going to do this slow.

.

Liam chooses a small Italian restaurant; Theo has gone past it several times, but never went in before. He wonders if Liam’s been with friends before, or on a date. The thought doesn’t really bother him; it amuses him, the idea that Liam’s recycling date places, that he’s that unsure.

And, of course, those thoughts keep Theo’s own nervousness away.

He leaves Derek’s loft about an hour before the meeting place – even though it’s a twenty minutes’ drive, at most – so he can pass by a flower place. First, he stands inside his truck outside the shop for about five minutes, telling himself he’s being an idiot, that just because they’re going on a date, it doesn’t mean he has to act like an idiotic fourteen-year-old on their first date.

Theo finally goes inside after telling himself to shut up, that there’s nothing wrong with trying to be romantic. He stands inside the shop for two minutes – ignoring the girl at the till talking to him – before leaving with a disgusted shake of head. Five minutes after that and he’s back inside, this time resolutely deciding to go through with this.

 _Imagine Liam’s face_ , is how Theo convinces himself, picturing in his mind Liam’s cheeks going red out of embarrassment, but his heart beating faster out of excitement.

“You need some help?” The girl asks, amused.

“Uh, yeah, I’d like to buy some flowers,” Theo says, wants to shake his head because honestly, why would he be at a flower shop?

“Right,” the girl says, clearly fighting a smile. “Fought with your girlfriend?”

“First date,” Theo says and then, because why the hell not, “with a guy.”

“Ah. Sorry,” she smiles. “I know everyone thinks of roses when they think of romance but how about daffodils? They mean new beginnings.”

“That sounds good,” Theo says. What the hell does he know about flowers? As long as they look good and don’t smell badly… He wonders if Liam will know the meaning; does he care about flowers? It’s kind of incredible that that’s something Theo doesn’t know, even though he’s almost died beside Liam more than once. On the other hand, when exactly were they supposed to have discussed gardening habits?

The girl has started picking up what she needs to put the flowers together when Theo asks, “do you have any plants that don’t need a lot of care?” The loft could use some life.

The girl turns to smile at him, “I think I have exactly what you’re looking for.”

Theo smiles back, then leans his weight back, relaxing with his hands on his pockets. He takes out his phone to check the time – still more than twenty minutes to go – and goes back to dividing his attention between what the girl is doing and the flowers around the shop. Eventually, he goes for a tour around the place; it’s not exactly big, but it passes the time.

He recognizes the ones that pretty much everyone does: roses, sunflowers, peonies… Lilies. Theo raises one hand to softly touch its petals.

He blinks, remembers the last time he bought flowers, where he took them. To whom.

Theo swallows, gives the lilies another soft touch before letting go and squeezing his hand into a fist. He’ll buy lilies and go back another time.

“Got it all ready,” the girl calls and Theo turns back to the counter, inhaling slowly before walking to it. “Okay, so, this is a golden pothos, commonly known as the devil’s ivy, since it can survive without almost no sunlight, as well as under- or over-watering. Pretty hard to kill.”

Theo looks at it, at the long leaves coming off it, almost heart-shaped. The _devil’s ivy_. Well, someone somewhere is going to find that ironic.

“Thanks,” he says, taking out his wallet to pay and leaving with a small bouquet of daffodils and a potted devil’s ivy.

Then he drives to the restaurant, still with a good five minutes to spare. Yet, as he’s parking across the place, he sees Liam already waiting outside, head turned to the night sky. Theo smiles at himself, soft, heart beating faster in his chest. Liam suddenly lowers his head, turns it to him, like he heard the sound. Which he probably did.

Theo waves, then goes back to making sure he parks without neither bumping into anything nor going against some parking law – the last thing he needs is a fine.

He doesn’t bother with a deep breath before getting out, not now that the knows Liam is paying attention to him, simply grabs the bouquet and gets out.

His heart is beating faster than normal, but Theo leaves it like that, doesn’t try any of the many breathing exercises he’s used over the years to keep it regular. He might not be the best with words, but at least this, this small show of trust, of openness, he can do.

“Hey,” Liam says when he’s close enough for them to hear each other without supernatural enhanced hearing.

“Hi,” Theo replies and offers the flowers to Liam who, predictably, starts to blush. Theo has to bite his cheek to stop from laughing, sure that Liam would take it the wrong way.

Liam blinks, raising a hand slowly to the flowers. “No one’s ever given me flowers before.”

“Now someone has,” Theo says, shrugging, but also smiling, happy that he did something good for Liam; something unique.

Liam blinks again, now with the flowers in a hand. He raises them to his nose, inhales to catch their perfume. He raises his eyes to Theo, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Theo says, meaning it.

Liam smiles and then the two of them just stay like that for at least one minute, simply staring at each other. Finally, Liam clears his throat, “shall we?”

“Yeah,” Theo nods and starts walking, though once he grabs the door handle, he opens it and moves to the side so that Liam can go in first. He does it, but sends a look Theo’s way, half exasperated, half embarrassed. Theo just smiles back.

It’s basically a family restaurant; not the cheapest, but certainly not expensive either. There’re several free tables, but Liam still goes to a waiter and gives him his name, telling him he booked a table for two.

They’re led to a table near the windows, though the view isn’t exactly anything special – just the street illuminated by street lamps and the occasional car driving by.

Liam puts the flowers on the table, against the wall, and then a different waiter comes by with menus.

They both look at them in silence for a couple of minutes.

“Do you even like Italian? I should probably have asked,” Liam says and Theo raises his eyes to him, can’t help but to focus on his heartbeat, faster than usual.

“I do,” Theo says and smiles, can’t seem to stop doing it around Liam; isn’t all that interested in stopping it.

“I thought so. I mean, most people do, right? But you never know. There’s an Italian place my dad likes to go that doesn’t even make pizza. He says it’s an authentic Italian restaurant but pizzas are Italian, right?” Liam is babbling. Theo can’t help but to chuckle at it.

“I don’t know; I guess maybe different places in Italy make different dishes.”

“Right,” Liam says. Then, “I don’t even know if pizza comes from Pisa.”

“Aren’t you the one interested in History?”

“Yeah, like… Historical events. Not where pizza came from.”

“You never know what can come in handy,” Theo says and Liam rolls his eyes.

“Right, maybe we’ll go against a monster who’ll only leave if we tell him obscure facts.”

“Like the fact that incest is only illegal in Italy if it causes public scandal.”

Liam blinks, “why do you know that?”

Theo smirks, waits a beat, two, before finally saying, “I got bored on Wikipedia.”

Liam blinks again, then he laughs. Before he can say anything else, though, the waiter comes back.

“Can I take your order?”

Liam and Theo share a glance; Liam hurriedly looking down at his menu.

“I’d like the lasagna and a ginger ale,” Theo says.

“Uhm, I’d like Bolognese and some water.”

“Very well,” the waiter says as he writes down their requests, then takes back the menus and leaves.

“Bolognese is a terrible date choice,” Theo says.

“What, why?”

“You get sauce all over you.”

“At least it’s not garlic bread,” Liam immediately counters and Theo stares for a couple seconds, sees his cheeks slowly go red, then laughs.

“I guess that’s a good point.”

“I didn’t mean-” Liam cuts himself off. “I wasn’t saying that…”

“What, that you’re not going to try and get a goodnight kiss?” Theo asks, in a joking tone.

Liam opens his mouth, but only some weird, embarrassed noise comes out. With a huff, he closes his mouth again.

“I guess I’ll be the one going for the kiss,” Theo says and Liam’s eyes get bigger at that, heart beating faster. Theo’s smile turns soft. He puts a hand on top of one of Liam’s on the table. “I’m joking. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I’m not- I’ve kissed people before,” Liam says, then, before Theo can reply, “I’ve kissed you before,” he emphasizes the _you_.

Theo blinks, keeps the smile on his face. “I remember, I was there.”

“Then why are you… If I wanna kiss you, I will,” Liam says, resolutely and Theo chuckles; now this sounds like Liam.

“We’ll see who gets there faster, then,” Theo counters and Liam’s cheeks are still red but he also glares at Theo, competitively.

“I guess we will.”

Theo laughs, can’t believe this is a conversation they’re having. Still, as it changes to Liam’s apparently long feud with anything to do with Physics, and to what exactly can be found in Derek Hale’s famous loft, Theo just keeps his hand on top of Liam’s, who doesn’t seem bothered by it in the least.

As expected, when their foods arrive, Liam does make a mess of it, getting his lips and the skin around it red from the sauce. But he doesn’t get embarrassed over it, just mutters “shut up” at Theo, who laughs and keeps eating his own food – trying not to make his own mess.

“Would you like some dessert?” The waiter asks as he picks up their plates.

“Tiramisu, please,” Liam requests and the waiter turns to Theo.

“Do you have panna cota?”

“Yes.”

“Then that, please,” Theo says and the waiter nods, leaving.

“I thought you’d go for the tiramisu.”

Theo swallows, doesn’t say anything right away. He does prefer panna cota, but it’s not the only reason he’d rather have it than tiramisu.

“My sister… that’s what she always ordered. She liked the taste of coffee, but our parents refused to let her have it. So… That was the best she could get away with. And coffee ice cream; she loved that,” the words come out a bit croaky, but Liam makes no mention of it.

His eyes soften and Theo swallows.

“I’m sorry,” Liam says and Theo… Doesn’t know what to say to that. Because you’re not supposed to get condolences when you’re the one who took that person’s life. So he doesn’t say anything, just keeps quiet, with his eyes turned downwards. “You can… talk about her if you want.”

Theo feels pinpricks on his eyes, is suddenly back underground, would almost wish for an eternity trapped in the freezer box if it meant not getting his heart ripped out again even once.

_But it’s not your heart, is it?_

Theo gets up, suddenly feels like there’s not enough air in the room.

“I need… I need to go.”

“Theo-” Liam says, also getting up and reaching a hand forward, almost touching, but Theo moves his arm away before it can happen.

“Please,” he says, stares at Liam in the eyes just long enough to make sure he won’t follow him, before he leaves the restaurant.

It’s only when he’s back in the loft that Theo realizes that he didn’t even bother to pay his part of the meal. He laughs as he slowly lowers himself against the front door, ending up sitting with his legs stretched out in front of him.

He chuckles a couple more times before abruptly stopping, once again feeling the air in his lungs squeezing. He feels colder, but genuinely can’t tell if it’s the draft around the loft, or something else.

“I’m sorry,” he says, and when he feels the pinpricks again, puts his palms against his eyes.

Theo stays like that for some time, before he finally feels like he has his breathing under control again. He takes out his phone, which had been in silence mode since he first left for the date. There’re several unread messages from Liam.

_“Are u OK???”_

_“I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean to upset you”_

_“Please call me. Or text me to let me know ur alright”_

_“I hope you’re OK”_

_“I’m sorry”_

Theo stares at them for a few seconds, then scrolls back up, though his text conversation with Liam for the past few weeks hasn’t exactly been extensive.

Still, the _“I hope you’re okay”_ stares him back. And hey, he got to receive the same text twice, in completely different circumstances.

Theo sighs, finally forces himself to roll back down, slowly writes _“I’m okay. Sorry for worrying you”_. He pauses, thumb twitching as he decides what he wants to say next. What is there to say?

 _“I can’t do this”_ , _“it was a mistake”_?

It doesn’t feel like a mistake. Theo doesn’t want to let it go.

He squeezes his eyes shut, leans his head against the door.

Eventually, he sighs, erases the whole text and goes and gets ready for bed. Tomorrow, he’ll deal with this. For now… For now, he’s going to sleep.

.

In the morning, Theo has two new messages from Liam.

_“I’m sorry again”_

_“Please just tell me if your okay”_

Theo doesn’t bother to think too hard before sending back _“I’m okay. Sorry”_. It’s absolutely not everything the two of them need to talk about but it’s still only – he checks – barely nine am. Liam should be at school, anyway.

Theo grunts, then gets up. He actually feels better than last night; the sleep really did help.

He thinks back on the lilies he saw on the flower shop as he makes some cereal, which makes him realize he forgot the plant in his car.

So he goes down, gets it, then gets on with the rest of his morning routine.

Then he goes back to the flower shop – there’s an older lady at the tilt – and gets some lilies, not bothering with small talk.

Afterwards, Theo goes to the river. He sits down on the bridge, even though it was falling apart back then, and is even worse now.

He doesn’t feel like crying anymore. He just feels numb.

Again, Theo ponders leaving Beacon Hills. Besides Liam, who would care? And Liam would eventually get over it. What did the two of them really share? One kiss when they thought they were going to die and one lousy date.

 _Liam could fall in love with someone else_ , Theo thinks and it’s supposed to be positive, a reason for him to leave. But all it does is make his stomach squeeze. He doesn’t want Liam in love with someone else.

But it’s not fair to stay and to be… what, messed up?

Who, exactly, in their group of acquaintances isn’t messed up? Malia killed her adoptive sister and mother and lived as a coyote for years over it, Stiles was possessed by a thousand-year old demon, Kira has disappeared to learn to control the fox spirit inside herself, Lydia… Well, Lydia seems to be doing well, but she was also stuck in Eichen House for a while and that’s on him, isn’t it?

 _So what?_ he thinks, _either grow some balls and deal with it or stop moaning over it._

Theo takes a deep breath, then gets up, dropping the flowers in the river.

“I’m sorry,” he says, means it, possibly more than he’s ever meant anything in his life. “But I’m going to keep this heart as long as I can.” Then he leaves.

.

Theo doesn’t talk to Liam for the rest of the day, even though he knows they should. Instead, at night, after having used his fake ID (really not that good, but the police department of Beacon Hills certainly have bigger problems than some underage drinking) to buy alcohol he calls Lydia, listening to the phone ring three times before she picks it up.

“Hello,” Lydia answers, in this little sing-song tone Theo recognizes, though it obviously hasn’t been sent his way in a while.

“Wanna come drink with me?” Before she can answer, adds, “I can actually get drunk.”

“Oh, thank God,” Lydia says and Theo smiles; he figured Lydia wouldn’t have had many occasions to get drunk with friends, considering most of them could not in fact do it. “You’re staying at Derek’s loft, right?”

“Yeah. I already have some alcohol.”

“Good. I’ll be there in thirty,” she says and disconnects.

Theo moves around his kitchen, making some drinks and putting them on the fridge so they’re still cool when Lydia arrives; nothing fancy, yet Theo doubts she’s all that interested in drinking beer.

He does have a couple himself – considering that he was pushing the truth a bit when he said he could get drunk (he can, but it still takes quite the amount of alcohol consumption), he decides he might as well start early.

By the time the doorbell rings, Theo has also had three tequila shots, though he’s not even close to being buzzed.

Theo opens the doorbell to her and smiles. Lydia smiles back, but it’s small and Theo wonders if she got so caught up in the whole _“finally getting drunk with someone”_ to truly think about who exactly she was doing it with.

“I hope working at Sinema is paying off,” Lydia says, still smiling and Theo moves back to let her in.

“I have sex on the beach,” he says and Lydia turns to him with a raised eyebrow. With a chuckle, Theo closes the door and goes to the kitchen, taking out two full orange-ish glasses from the fridge.

Lydia’s already sitting down at the counter, having put her bag on top of it.

“Here,” Theo says, putting a glass in front of her and sitting down opposite, taking a sip from his glass.

“Mm. It’s good,” Lydia says and it sounds neither surprised nor patronizing. Just… a fact. Theo makes his own humming sound and they keep drinking in silence.

They’re already halfway through their drinks when Lydia finally speaks again.

“So, are you going to tell me why you decided to get drunk on a Wednesday night?”

Theo almost asks back _“are you going to tell me why you decided to join me getting drunk on a Wednesday night?”_ but then realizes that he doesn’t… Want to know the why. Maybe it is because Lydia is genuinely interested in being his friend. Or maybe it’s just to keep an eye on him. Theo would rather not know.

Theo doesn’t say anything right away. He could just say _“I felt like it”_ and he’s pretty sure Lydia wouldn’t push, even if she would send him a look that said she knows that’s complete bullshit.

Theo can’t actually remember the last time he opened up. When he was manipulating Scott and his friends into trusting him, everything he said wasn’t a complete lie – that’s how lying works to people who can hear it, after all. You just bend the truth – but he’d never… focused on it. He’d been playing a role, not being honest.

He doesn’t really know how to do that anymore, if he’s honest with himself. Isn’t sure he ever fully did. It’s not like the Doctors were interested in that and his family and friends when he was a kid…

The Dread Doctors gave him night terrors for months. At the beginning, Theo’s parents got worried, even took him to a shrink, but eventually they were just… tired.

Theo takes a deep breath. He doesn’t know if he can just… Open his mouth and tell Lydia about, well, anything he’s thinking. Anything that’s honest and will give her an honest picture of him.

But he’s also tired of keeping up walls all goddamn day long. There is still the chance this is all a ruse, that whatever Theo tells her, Lydia will just be telling everyone else – his stomach clenches just at the idea of Stiles knowing literally anything about him – but he also just… Wants to not think about that, for once. Not imagine all the ways a situation can be used against him, think about how his words are being taken by the other person, what they’re picking up against him.

Because that’s what he does. And it says more about Theo that that’s what he’s worried about when talking to other people than it says about them and he knows it.

“I went on a date with Liam,” Theo finally says and it comes out in an absolutely normal way. But inside he feels like throwing up.

Lydia raises her eyebrows, but just a bit. To show surprise, but not full bafflement.

“I didn’t know you two had figured things out yet,” she says and Theo stares at her for a couple of seconds. She takes the time to take a sip from her drink. Then he laughs. Of course Lydia had seen this coming. And not even with her Banshee powers, he’s sure.

“We’re still figuring it out,” Theo tells her and it still feels… Not wrong, but not right either, simply being honest, not saying words when he really means others, or is hiding them.

Lydia shrugs, “that’s how it always goes, isn’t it?”

Theo almost says _“I wouldn’t know, would I?”_ but as much as he wants to open himself up, that’s still too much. So instead he shrugs back.

“How did it go?” Lydia asks even though she must know. He wouldn’t be getting drunk on a Wednesday night otherwise, would he?

Theo doesn’t say anything right away, finishes up his beer before going back to the cocktail. Lydia keeps silent, keeps drinking her drink, waiting him out… Like this is normal, like this is something they do. Like they’re friends.

“Why are you here?” Theo asks and appreciates the way Lydia doesn’t try to pretend to misunderstand his question.

“Valack made me have visions. I saw you on the bridge, when you were a child,” she starts and Theo stops breathing, just for a second. Lydia looks sympathetically at him. “I didn’t see an angry or hateful child. I saw a lost one.”

Theo’s breath comes out ragged and he can feel his eyes prickling, blinks them rapidly to make sure he doesn’t start crying.

He opens his mouth, then closes it again. He almost gets up to get them more drinks, but then that will break the moment, he’s sure, and suddenly that’s the last thing he wants.

“I didn’t push her,” Theo says and his voice sounds trembling. There’s a small voice in his mind telling him to shut up, that Lydia is going to use this against him. But he steps on it, opens his mouth again. “One of the Doctors told me to go to the bridge and when I got there… She was there, drowning. And all I could think was of how the Doctors kept telling me she wanted to give me her heart. And then she asked me to help. And I swear… I swear I did. She was alive when I left.”

Theo knows there are tears running down his cheeks, but he can’t stop them. Lydia is crying too, and then puts a hand on top of Theo’s. He almost turns it so that he can squeeze back, but just lays it there.

He draws in a ragged breath, but no other word comes out. So they stay like that for a couple minutes, Theo having almost immediately stopped crying once he stopped speaking.

“I’m here because I think you deserve a second chance, Theo.”

Theo snorts, doesn’t really know what else to say. It’s not all that different from what Scott said and he knows he meant it; Scott is almost pathologically incapable of lying, but it still sounds so… unbelievable.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to believe me right away,” Lydia says, like it’s just that simple.

“Her name was Tara,” is what Theo finally settles on, because he’s realized that he’s the only one alive to really care about her. Maybe some of her school friends still remember her, think about her once in a while, but really, who else is going to keep her memory alive?

Still, he can’t force himself to say anything else, to choose something to tell Lydia about her, everything greyed out by her death. By him, standing by. Getting her heart.

“It’s okay,” Lydia says, like she knows exactly what he was thinking anyway. Which Theo knows she can’t have done, him being its own kind of walking bestiary. Must be just a Lydia thing, then.

Theo gives her a small smile, something he isn’t really used to. But it feels good.

“You don’t have to do this alone,” Lydia eventually says and Theo is… he can’t quite comprehend how people like Lydia Martin, Scott McCall and Liam Dunbar are real. People who are just so genuinely good. Even Corey and Mason.

Tracy and Josh probably wouldn’t be that different, if the Doctors hadn’t played with their minds. Theo feels a pang when he thinks about them, but doesn’t run from it.

“Now, come on,” Lydia slaps her hands on the table, though not with that much strength. “I was promised a night of drinking.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Theo says, smile bigger, amused and maybe a bit mocking, but not in a mean way. He gets up, but before moving, touches Lydia’s arm, lightly. “I’m sorry for everything.”

Lydia looks at him for a few seconds, then nods. She doesn’t tell him he’s forgiven, but it’s still… Something. And she is here. That certainly says more than any words could.

Theo turns around and opens the fridge, this time taking out two green cocktails; he’ll either have to make more or they’ll have to just move to good old tequila shots and vodka on ice.

After putting their drinks down, he says, “you know you’re too good for Stilinski, right?” trying to lighten up the mood with a joke.

Lydia smiles, can see right through him, but she still shakes her head. “No, I think we’re just right for each other.”

Theo smiles back, can also see right through her, but doesn’t mind. _Right for each other_ … Yeah, that’s a good way to put it.

Lydia picks up her drink, and leans it towards Theo, in a toast. Theo picks up his own, clinks it against hers.

“To us,” she says and Theo breathes out, not having inhaled nearly enough air for it, but still feeling it necessary.

“To us,” he repeats.

.

The next day, Theo ends up at Beacon Hills High School at the end of the day. Lydia, who clearly kept track of everyone’s schedule, had _let slip_ how Liam had lacrosse practice the next day, so Theo thought that might be as good a time to talk to him as any.

It wasn’t like he didn’t want to talk to Liam.

He was just… Nervous. Unsure.

But that had certainly never stopped him before, and it isn’t going to stop him now, not when the fear of what will happen if he doesn’t go – Liam deciding he isn’t worth all this trouble – is certainly bigger than whatever could happen if he did go.

Theo doesn’t bother to go and see the end of lacrosse practice. He doesn’t want to mess up Liam’s training if he notices him and honestly, his interest in the game is almost non-existent. He just waits by his truck as the sky slowly darkens, the sun almost fully gone by the time teenagers holding sporting bags finally come out of the school.

Liam’s one of the last ones, nodding along to the guy next to him. He stops suddenly when he catches sight of Theo, who slowly raises a hand to wave at him, quickly, before lowering his arm again.

“You ok?” The guy next to Liam asks, eyebrows furrowed in concern and Theo can see all the way from here the way Liam swallows.

“Yeah,” Liam says, his voice coming out a bit croaked. The guy’s still looking like he doesn’t fully believe him, but with a shrug, lets it go. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Liam says, quickly patting the guy on the shoulder and then jogging towards Theo.

“Hey,” Liam says once he’s standing just a few feet away. His hair’s still all wet, like he didn’t take the time to properly dry it.

“Hey,” Theo replies, feels how dry his throat is. Suddenly, all the words he’d been thinking of the past few days have all disappeared from his brain.

“I’m sorry for what I said at the restaurant,” Liam says in a rush, looking genuine contrite.

“You didn’t say anything wrong, Liam,” Theo says, suddenly feeling very tired.

“I shouldn’t have-”

“What? Brought up my dead sister? The one I got killed?”

Liam swallows, frowning as well, like he doesn’t know what emotion to go for. Theo can relate.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he continues, then closes his mouth, not really sure what he’s going for next.

“I’m still sorry I upset you,” Liam says, then gives a shy smile. “But it was good until then, right?”

Theo laughs, then steps forward so there’s barely a foot between them, reaching forward with his hands and putting his index and middle fingers of both hands through Liam’s belt hoops.

“Yeah, it was,” he says and Liam smiles.

“Wanna go for ice cream?”

“It’s Autumn.”

“Pumpkin ice cream?” Liam says, with a little shrug and Theo rolls his eyes.

“You can have that. I’ll have a hot chocolate.”

“With whipped cream and marshmallows?”

“Are you judging me?”

“No. I want you to have a full hot chocolate,” Theo raises his eyebrows at him, sure that there’s something he’s missing. Liam shuffles where he’s standing, though he doesn’t get away from Theo’s touch. “Sometimes it feels like… You don’t enjoy the small things. Sorry, I’m being stupid.”

“No, don’t… Don’t apologize for saying what you’re thinking. I…” Theo frowns, unsure what he wants to say next. It’s not like he didn’t notice the basic things he was missing while living on his truck. But does he not enjoy the small things?

“You don’t have to… Just forget I said anything,” Liam says and Theo shakes his head.

“No, maybe we can… Make a list.”

“A list?”

“Yeah, there’re… a lot of things I don’t know about. It’s not like the Doctors were exactly worried about keeping me up with pop culture,” Liam blinks, “I’ve never seen any of the Marvel films. They’re big now, right?”

“Are they… Are you serious?” Theo nods. “Not even the Avengers?”

“I don’t even know who they are.”

“Wow, okay, we are absolutely going to have to change that.”

“But hot chocolate first?”

“Yeah! We’ll make a list in the coffee shop. Come on,” Liam says and moves away, grabbing Theo’s hand and interlacing their fingers, leading them to Theo’s truck, who follows him smiling.

Once they’re inside, Liam puts his hand on top of Theo’s in the ignition, stopping him from starting the car. Theo turns to him.

“Can I kiss you? It’s just, I keep thinking about it, and then we’ll be in the coffee shop and I just know I’ll keep thinking of it, especially if you have like, a milk mustache-”

“Do you have a thing for milk mustaches?” Theo asks, amused, and Liam rolls his eyes.

“No, I just have a thing for you.”

“Oh,” Theo says, can’t think of anything else.

“We don’t have to, obviously. I mean, is this even a date? I know you said the first one was alright, but you didn’t say you wanted to go out again so-”

“Liam,” Theo interrupts and Liam’s mouth closes with an audible clack. “Yes, you can kiss me. And yes, this is a second date. If you want it to.”

“I want it,” Liam says in a low voice and then leans forward, first with momentum, but stopping before actually reaching Theo’s face. Then he takes a deep breath, raises the hand still on Theo’s hand to his face, cupping his cheek and then, finally, he kisses him.

It’s soft, barely any pressure. Theo doesn’t think he’s actually ever had such a soft kiss. It makes him sigh against Liam’s lips, who doesn’t take the chance to deepen the kiss.

Theo raises a hand to put it on the back of Liam’s neck, playing with his hair, which does get him a sound of approval.

Smiling, he presses his tongue against Liam’s lips; as much as he’s enjoying the softness, he wants something more.

Liam opens his mouth without protest, but while the kiss deepens, there’s no fight for dominance. It’s just an exploration.

Theo doesn’t know who leans back first; they share a couple close mouthed kisses and then they’ve separated.

“Hi,” Liam whispers against his lips and Theo smiles.

“Hi,” he replies, nuzzles Liam’s nose with his own, something he’s never done before (maybe with his family? He can’t remember), but that feels right. “Ice cream.”

“Hot chocolate.”

Theo huffs a laugh against Liam’s face, finally lets go. Still, he can’t help but to turn to smile at Liam before starting the car. Liam’s already smiling back.

.

Theo has a nightmare. This is, by itself, not something new. He doesn’t have them every single night, but they’re frequent enough that he’s basically gotten used to it, the way he knows his body pretty much locks down, how he starts sweating, thinks he whispers words too but can’t exactly know for sure, until eventually he wakes up with a sudden gasp.

Almost all the nightmares involve one thing: his time underground.

But, sometimes, Theo’s subconscious decides to fuck with him a little more, and he’s back in the hospital, on that final fight with Monroe’s hunters, and Liam. Sometimes he watches him die, sometimes he decides not to heed Scott’s request and leaves, only knowing about Liam’s death when it’s already too late.

This time, his subconscious decides to remember the night he killed Scott. Except it’s not Scott at the end of Theo’s claws, but Liam.

Theo wakes with the sheet clinging to his sweaty back. His breathing is coming ragged and fast, his pulse is beating against his ears. Theo gasps, tries to gulp enough hair, feels kind of light-headed. The sheet and blankets that were on top of him are by the end of the bed, him having already kicked them away sometime during the night.

He picks up his phone: just over 5am. Still, there’s no way he’s going back to sleep so Theo gets up, changes the sheets, can smell the sweat in them like he dropped a bottle of perfume (and the terror and desperation and-). Theo forces himself not to think of what he dreamed.

He puts the sheets on the clothes basket he has on the bathroom and then takes a warm shower, waking himself up. Then he sits on the sofa on the living room and puts his laptop on his lap, turning it on, choosing the first sitcom Netflix recommends it to him.

Slowly, light comes in the room through the huge windows, but Theo doesn’t really notice until it’s hitting the screen and making it hard to see. Though it’s not like he’s paid that much attention to it; he doesn’t even know what he’s watching, hasn’t laughed a single time.

Theo knows that what he dreamed isn’t real. Liam is very much alive, and so is Scott.

 _Scott being alive was definitely not because of you_ , Theo thinks and someone on screen is doing something dumb, someone else is yelling, but it’s like he’s hearing it from underwater. Or in a language he doesn’t understand.

Theo stays sitting for another hour, only gets up when putting off going to the bathroom is no longer feasible, then makes some toast, simple, with just butter on it. Can’t force more than one piece of bread down his throat.

 _How did you survive underground? It’s not like you ate. All you did was get killed by your sister_ , Theo knows he sounds a bit hysterical, but he can’t seem to be able to stop.

He takes a deep breath, puts both hands on the counter, some space between, arms extended and lowers his head. Then he keeps taking deep breaths; he hasn’t been to yoga class this week, maybe he should.

But the idea of going out… Theo goes back to the sofa, this time chooses the next episode of some German show he’d been watching, foregoes the subtitles, having to force himself to really focus on what he’s hearing, since German has never been his best language.

Theo’s stomach eventually starts rumbling, but he doesn’t get up. He’s pretty sure that whatever he eats, he’ll just be throwing up sooner or later.

The thing is, he should probably call Liam. He had a nightmare about killing him, about him being dead. So hearing his voice, very much alive, should make him feel better. But he doesn’t want Liam to know just how fucked up he is. And he doesn’t… Well, he doesn’t want to force him to deal with it.

His mind’s a mess. He knows it is, knows that this isn’t healthy, that this is a bad day he’s having and that as great as just watching Netflix the whole day sounds, that the chances it’ll make him feel better – not terrified of sleeping – are very thin. And yet…

It’s not like Theo has a reason to get out anyway. His boss finally got tired of him continuing to take nights off – the best times to meet up with Liam – and fired him. Not a loss Theo is mourning.

The room has once again started to darken when his cellphone rings. Theo stares at it for a couple seconds, almost 100% sure of who’s calling – because really, how many options are there?

He swallows, then picks it up. As expected, it’s Liam. He could not take the call, say… that he found another job or something. But Theo doesn’t want to lie, and he doesn’t want to worry Liam with his silence either.

Theo swallows again; he can do this. He tricked all of them once upon a time, he can absolutely tell Liam he’s fine but that he’s been busy and that he’ll see him the next day.

“Hey,” he says, accepting the call.

“Hey,” Liam replies, in a soft tone, and Theo leans back on the sofa, pausing his show. “You didn’t show up today.”

“Ah, right,” Theo forces himself to chuckle, “I’ve been binge watching this show all day long. Lost track of time.”

“Is it good?”

“Yeah,” Theo says, then realizes that aside from those first ten minutes he forced himself to pay attention to, he has absolutely no idea on what the hell went on for the next four episodes.

There’s a pause, then Liam asks, “are you okay?” Theo can almost imagine the little frown he’s making.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just… Like I said, lost track of time.”

“You sound weird. Should I come over?”

“No!” Theo almost bites his tongue; that definitely won’t raise Liam’s suspicions, no way. “That’s not necessary.”

“Theo…” Liam starts, then pauses, but Theo can’t think of anything to say, anything to convince him – he might not have the healing of a werewolf, but even he doesn’t get colds, and anything more serious and Liam would definitely show up. “If you need some space, you can just say so. We don’t have to see each other every day.”

Liam doesn’t sound hurt. He sounds perfectly neutral. Like Theo does, when he’s very much trying to hide his emotions.

“It’s not that. I swear it’s not that. I just… I had a bad day.”

“What happened?” Liam asks and the change in tone is obvious; he’s worried.

Theo doesn’t respond right away. _I had a nightmare_ just sounds so dumb. And anyway, which one of them doesn’t have nightmares? Oh yeah, some of those nightmares were probably caused by Theo himself.

“I could bring you something to eat. I don’t have to stay. I just…” Liam sighs, “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Theo feels pinpricks in his eyes. Now he feels guilty. Here he is, having had a nightmare where he killed Liam and that same guy now wants to make sure he’s alright.

“Theo?” Liam asks, worried, Theo having spent too long being quiet.

“I’m not very good company right now,” Theo finally says, staring ahead blankly.

There’s a pause. “You don’t have to be good company. We don’t have to talk. And I don’t need to go there. I’d like to, but only if you want me to, if you think it’d help you. If it would make you feel worse…”

“You’re too good,” Theo says, has to sniffle. Liam’s words aren’t supposed to hurt, he’s not saying them to be hurtful, Theo knows this. But all he can think is _I don’t deserve this_.

“Theo… Please tell me what you’re thinking.”

Theo blinks several times, forces the tears not to fall.

“I dreamed I killed you. Instead of Scott.”

“Scott’s alive. And you didn’t kill me.”

“I did kill him. I don’t even know how he’s alive.”

“Melissa,” Liam says, like that’s all the explanation necessary. It’s not, not really, but that’s absolutely not the point, anyway. And Theo tells Liam that, almost in a shout.

“I know that’s not the point. I don’t… What do you want me to say, Theo?”

“Be angry! Act like… Like what I did mattered!”

“Of course it mattered! You… I almost killed Scott! But I can’t just blame you! Yes, you manipulated us, but we still made our own choices.”

“But they were because of me! Melissa… She had to see her son dead. Scott’s and Stile’s friendship will probably never be the same again. Hell, yours and Scott’s friendship will probably never be the same again.”

Liam doesn’t say anything right away; Theo can hear him breathing deeply. He doesn’t know if having this conversation face to face would be better or not.

“What do you want me to say, Theo?” Liam asks and he sounds defeated. Theo jumps to his feet, more energized than he’s been the whole day.

“That you hate me!”

“I don’t hate you!” Liam replies, angry and passionate, but certainly not hateful.

“You should! I-” Theo cuts himself off abruptly, makes a clack sound as he closes his mouth.

“What?” Liam’s voice comes out soft, low, “what were you going to say, Theo? That you hate yourself?”

“No,” Theo replies right away. Then takes a deep breath, “no. I don’t hate myself. I don’t think so, anyway. I just…” He takes another breath, but this time in frustration. “Aren’t you ever afraid this is all a long con? That I’m just manipulating you to betray you again?”

Liam doesn’t answer right away. Then, in a low voice, “sometimes.”

Theo takes in a breath, but he doesn’t feel vindicated at all.

“And you’re afraid that I’m going to wake up one day and decide being with you is a mistake, aren’t you? Or that Scott is going to decide you need to leave Beacon Hills?”

Theo doesn’t say anything.

“We all fear stuff, Theo,” Liam stops and all that’s heard for some seconds is each other’s breathing. “I’m afraid Monroe is coming back. I’m afraid I’m going to lose control and hurt someone because I’ve been a werewolf for months, but I still have control issues. I’m afraid… I’m afraid my parents are going to decide one day I’m more trouble than I’m worth.”

“Liam-”

“I’m not saying they’re logical fears, Theo. And I’m not saying your fear is illogical either. I’m just saying… we all have fears. Bigger or smaller and they’re all… They all come from something. So yes, sometimes I do wonder if you’re just playing us. But if all I felt was that fear, do you really think I’d be with you? That I’d give you a second chance?”

Theo hadn’t thought of it that way. He sits back down on the sofa. Then he exhales slowly.

“I’m a mess.”

“Join the club,” Liam responds and Theo laughs, something short, but real.

They’re silent again.

“Do you… Do you still want to come over?” Theo asks.

“Only if you want me to,” Liam says but this time doesn’t bother disguising the excitement in his voice.

“I’d really like that,” Theo says, smiling.

“Good, because I’m actually outside the loft.”

“What?” Theo asks, getting up. He goes to the window, has to shift his eyes to see in the dark, since night has fallen, and Derek’s area isn’t exactly well illuminated.

Liam is standing across the street. He waves.

“You don’t have a car,” Theo says.

“Mason dropped me off.”

“And if I said I didn’t want to see you…”

“I was going to leave,” Liam says and Theo squashes the thought _he’s too good for-_ before it’s fully formed, instead focuses on the warm feeling enveloping him.

“I’m opening the door.”

Theo can see Liam smile from the distance, yet neither disconnects through the short minute that it takes for Liam to cross the street and go up the stairs.

It’s only as they can see each other that they both press the red buttons.

“Hi,” Liam says and Theo smiles.

“Hi,” then he steps forward so that he can hug Liam, puts their foreheads together. Liam sighs against him. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Liam says and it’s Theo’s turn to sigh. He squeezes Liam tighter, feels him do the same.

He’s pretty sure he won’t be having nightmares that night.

.

It turns out Theo likes baking. He’s never actually done it before. He learnt to cook in a very pragmatic way; it was either that or starve.

But now he has a big kitchen, supplied with pretty much every cooking appliance he can name (and then some).

He finds the cupcake tins (two of six) on a Thursday afternoon, when he’s opening the cabinets out of sheer boredom.

Theo almost calls Liam to come help him, but decides that this is something he wants to do by himself. And if he’s honest, sometimes he’s almost… not afraid, but uncertain of calling Liam. Like he’ll push too hard, show his hand too soon.

It’s stupid. Theo knows it’s stupid and, more importantly, completely unlike him. But the urge is still there; it’s diminishing, though. Slowly.

Finally, Theo decides that while he won’t call Liam, he will be sharing his cupcakes. Which, after a shopping trip, leads to him making about enough cupcakes to feed a whole family – and one with a very large sweet tooth at that.

Once Theo has put each of them in a paper wrapper and covered them in icing, he just stares at them. Then, before he can think better of it, he grabs his phone from where it was on a bench the whole time with Spotify on and opens the Instagram app for the first time in months, having created it back when he first arrived in Beacon Hills, because what teenager didn’t have it?

He takes a picture and posts it, not bothering with putting a filter on it, with a simple cupcake emoji in the description.

Theo puts the phone away without seeing who’s decided to ask for a follow in the last few months.

Then he’s back to just staring at the dozens of cupcakes in front of him. With a sigh, he goes to see what Derek has for tupperwares, already wondering just who exactly he’s supposed to give them to. Who’d even accept them? Liam, obviously. Lydia, probably.

 _Scott_ , Theo thinks and then grimaces. It’s not that he thinks Scott wouldn’t accept them, but then what? Will there be a joke about how _they’re not poisoned_ that they’ll laugh awkwardly about?

Or, will he think this is a _sorry I killed you, here’s a cupcake_ type of gesture?

Theo sighs. Well, it’s better than nothing, isn’t?

So Theo divides the cupcakes into three containers and debates the whole way to his truck with whom he wants to start with.

Lydia would probably be the quickest. So, of course, Theo makes for the McCall residence.

Melissa’s car is parked outside and Theo almost drives by, but instead he forces himself to park on the opposite side.

They haven’t talked since the hospital. Melissa had done her job checking him over, neither warm nor cold, simply professional and, if he’s honest, Theo would quite love to just keep it at that.

But if there’s anyone he’s more than hurt with his actions, then it’s her. And if he’s serious about trying to improve himself…

With a sigh, Theo gets out of the car, not forgetting the tupperware. Who doesn’t like cupcakes, right?

Theo pushes the doorbell, doesn’t bother doing it a second time. No one likes to be rushed and it’s not like he’s exactly on Melissa’s good graces.

It’s not Melissa who opens the door, though. No, instead Theo is greeted by Chris Argent’s very much unimpressed face.

They stare at each other for several seconds. Theo has this wild urge to push the tupperware in Argent’s arms and hightail it out of there. Hey, if he’s holding the tupperware, he can’t get to his gun, right?

He forces the urge down and, instead, says, “I brought cupcakes.”

Argent blinks again, somehow making it look even more unimpressed. Theo wonders if Scott ever has to deal with this look.

“Cupcakes,” Argent says, slowly, and Theo nods, has to tell himself _you grew up with the Dread Doctors, this is nothing_ to keep all his physical reactions in check.

Luckily, before the conversation can digress even more, Melissa’s voice sounds from somewhere in the house.

“Chris, who is it?”

Argent stares at Theo for a few seconds before yelling back, not bothering to move away from the door, “Theo brought cupcakes.”

“What?” Theo can hear Melissa’s voice, lower and confused. There’re footsteps and then she’s in front of him too.

“I brought cupcakes,” Theo repeats himself, even though by this point, he’s pretty sure that if anything has been established it’s that he is here, with cupcakes.

Argent’s face remains impassive, while Melissa blinks at him.

“For… Scott?” She asks, voice carefully blank.

“All of you,” Theo answers and Melissa blinks again. Then she turns to share a look with Argent, whose face seems to be made out of rock. She turns back to Theo, smiles just a bit, kind of nervous, but at least not angry.

“That sounds wonderful. Do you want to come in?”

“That’s okay,” Theo says, definitely not wanting to impose.

There’s a pause for a couple seconds, then Melissa says, “I think you should come in.”

It’s Theo’s turn to blink at her. He can’t help but to squeeze the tupperware in his hands, sees the way Chris’ eyes turn down, but Melissa just keeps looking at him. Finally, Theo nods.

He killed her son. If she wants to invite him in, he’s going to goddamn go in.

They both move back so that Theo can come inside. Argent closes the door behind him, then kisses Melissa on the top of her head and says, “I’ll be upstairs.”

Melissa smiles at him and with a warning glance Theo’s way, Argent goes up the stairs.

“Do you want something to drink?” Melissa asks and Theo is torn between shaking his head and making things even more awkward, or asking for something – hell, a glass of water – and it coming out as imposing.

“Well, I’m going to make some tea,” Melissa decides eventually and turns towards the kitchen. After a couple of seconds, Theo follows her. Then he puts the Tupperware on top of the counter. “What flavors did you make?”

“Chocolate and Oreo butter cream,” Theo answers, because who doesn’t like chocolate?

Melissa makes a humming sound, and then they both go silent, the only sounds being her moving around the kitchen to make some tea.

“You sure you don’t want any?” She asks after taking out a mug and Theo is once again on the fence. What’s more rude?

“I’ll have what you’re having,” he finally settles on and Melissa nods, taking out a second mug. She puts a tea bag in each of them, then hot water from the electric kettle.

Melissa puts both mugs down on the counter, pushing Theo’s towards him, grabbing hers with both hands and then quietly blowing air on it to make it cooler.

Theo moves a hand to his own mug, but doesn’t grab it, instead just leaves his fingers slightly touching it.

Melissa stares at him over the rim of her mug, and Theo goes between staring back and letting his eyes roam the living room, not really wanting to get into a staring contest with Scott’s mom.

“I was surprised when you came back to Beacon Hills,” Melissa suddenly says and Theo’s stomach drops. “You were different from what I remembered.”

Theo blinks; he thought she was talking about the Skinwalkers’ prison, not… not him coming back after almost a decade away.

He doesn’t know how to take her words; it’s not like he remembers all that much from his childhood, reality long since mixing up with the Doctors. Yet, he does have vague memories about being quiet. Not receiving a lot of attention, if he’s honest to himself.

The Doctors hadn’t really cared how Theo infiltrated Scott’s pack. They’d just told him to do it and just as he’d thought about getting a house, getting fake parents who wrote their signatures as perfectly as his biological parents had, because he’d studied Stiles and knew that was something he’d look for, he’d also thought about pretending to be shier than he actually was, more unsure. More the kid Scott and Stiles remembered.

Theo had told himself a lot of things back then to make himself not put on another mask. That then they’d think he was weak, that it would make it even harder to be taken seriously. Or that the longer the ruse went on, the bigger the chances he’d suddenly break character. But truth was, Theo had been selfish. He hadn’t wanted to cut away every single thing that made him him for something completely and utterly fake.

“I guess it comes with being raised by evil scientists,” Theo finally says, knows it’s too many beats too late, and that the joke sounds flat.

Melissa’s eyes soften at that and that hadn’t been Theo’s intention. He wasn’t trying to throw his messed-up childhood into Melissa’s face, as if it suddenly made up for everything he’d done.

“I’m sorry about what I did. To Scott. And to you,” Theo says and Melissa’s hands squeeze on the mug. She keeps staring at Theo, who fidgets, but this time doesn’t look away. Whatever she’s trying to find on his face… well, she should at least get the chance to it.

Finally, she sighs, shifts her hold on the mug so she’s holding onto it with just one hand, rubbing the other across her forehead.

“You killed my son.”

Theo swallows, suddenly sure that he’s made a huge mistake, that he should never have come here. God, what did he think? That a couple cupcakes and Melissa would forget he was the reason she almost lost her son? Actually did lose him for a few minutes?

“But I’ve been talking to Scott and… We don’t really know what you went through.”

Theo blinks, “what do you mean?”

“You were a child when those… people took you,” Melissa says, emphasizing _child_.

Theo lowers his hands so Melissa can’t see them underneath the corner and then squeezes them, though he doesn’t have to fight the urge to extend them into claws. Theo has always had perfect control of his shift – it’s what it meant to be a _success_.

“It doesn’t matter; it doesn’t make it okay,” Theo finally says and Melissa gives it a couple seconds before replying.

“It isn’t okay, but it does matter.”

Theo doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t say anything. Grabs his mug, just to do something that isn’t looking lost, but can’t force himself to take a sip, just stares inside.

 _It’s not okay_ , he thinks and means it about a lot of things. But he swallows that down, isn’t actually willing to simply pour out all his feelings to Melissa, even if she were interested in it.

“I’m still sorry.”

“I know,” Melissa says and when Theo looks at her, surprised. She smiles, “it’s the only reason you’re standing inside my kitchen. And that Chris hasn’t shot you.”

Theo nods; that’s fair.

“I’m glad you survived Monroe and her hunters,” Melissa says and Theo swallows again, this time finally takes a sip from his mug, can’t believe he’s almost about to cry over something so simple.

Simple, yet not something he’s actually ever heard. And, if he’s absolutely honest, even something that he’s thought.

But he finds himself agreeing with Melissa. He _is_ glad he survived.

“Thank you,” he says. “You too.”

Melissa smiles back. Then she lowers her mug, pulling the tupperware closer to her and opening it.

“Now, let’s eat before Scott gets here and I don’t even get a taste.”

Theo smiles, but he shakes his head.

“I have my own at my place, thanks. And I still have others to deliver.”

“Okay. Come back anytime, Theo. I mean it,” Melissa says and Theo finds himself believing her. He nods in thanks, drinks a bit more of his tea, and then puts it down on the counter, straightening up.

Melissa follows him to the door, one hand on his back, and outside, Theo smiles at her, feeling surprisingly light.

“Thank you,” he says again, can’t even specify for what. But Melissa doesn’t seem to need it – or want it – she just smiles back.

“You’re welcome,” Melissa says and Theo finally turns away, walks to his truck. Once he gets inside, he turns back, sees Melissa still watching him. She waves and he waves back, starts the truck.

Melissa keeps her door open the whole time he’s leaving. It makes him feel warm.

.

Theo goes running. It’s been several days since he made the cupcakes, since he drove to Lydia’s and ended up eating one and having tea with her and her mom and then to Liam’s and seeing him eat three with barely any pauses in between bites.

He drives to the edge of the Preserve and parks there, then gets out and walks for a good twenty minutes before he undresses and hides his clothes underneath some foliage. Then he turns into a coyote.

Theo hasn’t actually shifted in sometime. While it comes naturally; doesn’t hurt, barely takes any time or concentration, it’s not a form he’s ever… He doesn’t even know. He’s not uncomfortable walking around in four paws, body covered by black fur, smelling, hearing and seeing differently.

But Theo was never supposed to simply shift, to simply _be_.

Theo remembers the first time he shifted. How scared he’d been that he wasn’t going to be able to do it, not because it would lead to more experimentation, but because it would mean being a failure.

He remembers how one of the Doctors had declared it a success and how proud he’d felt. Now, he feels kind of disgusting when he thinks of that memory, how obvious he’d been craving their attention, their love.

Like they’d ever been capable of it.

Not that Theo would consider their behavior needless cruel either. He remembers Melissa’s words about his childhood, can see in Liam’s eyes that he wants to ask questions, in Lydia’s that she knows more than she says; that whatever she knows makes her feel sympathy for Theo.

But whatever pain they caused… It was never for the sake of pain, at least Theo doesn’t think so. ~~Can’t think so.~~ There was a goal. And yeah, Theo realizes now that he was never the goal, just a stepstone in it, but he can’t really allow himself to think that it was all a waste. Because if it was… Then what the hell does that say about everything he did?

Theo runs, though, of course, his thoughts just run with him.

Suddenly, there’s a growling sound to his right and Theo immediately stops, growling back, because if there’s something he knows is that in the wild, you can never show yourself as the prey.

A coyote, light in fur, is staring at him with incredibly shiny blue eyes. _Malia_.

Theo stops growling, though he doesn’t do anything else. There’s no doubt in his mind that Malia knows who he is; she can smell him just like he can.

She growls for a couple more seconds before eventually stopping, though her expression doesn’t soften in the least.

She starts walking around him, Theo following her movements so his back is never to her. He truly has no idea if she came here because of him, to kill him where no one else would be the wiser, or if this is all a coincidence.

Theo has a pretty hard time believing that second one.

Suddenly, she shifts back, completely naked, though Theo barely pays it any attention, having gotten pretty used to nudity himself. She slowly gets up, then raises an eyebrow at Theo. “Are you going to stay like that?”

Theo squints his eyes at her, very much not an animal expression. Then he shifts back too, standing up. Normally this is when he’d stretch, loosening up his human muscles, but he very much doesn’t want Malia to think he’s hitting on her or something, so he just stays like that.

“I don’t like you,” she says. “I don’t trust you.”

Theo doesn’t say anything in response; doesn’t know what to say. She certainly doesn’t have to like him, and as for trusting… Theo might have proved himself a good ally in the past, but he also betrayed them all before. Malia certainly has her own reasons not to trust him.

“But you’re here.”

Theo frowns, “yes?” He doesn’t really know what she’s getting at, has never fully understood how her mind works. She might be an open book to most, never hiding behind masks or words she doesn’t mean, but to Theo, whose experiences have been pretty much in the opposite spectrum, that’s exactly what makes her hard to read.

“You’re not leaving Beacon Hills,” she says, glaring, then crossing her arms.

“No,” Theo answers and this time it doesn’t come out as a question.

“Why?”

Theo blinks. He wants to say _it’s none of your business_ but that’s not exactly true, is it? Malia has a reason – several of them, in fact – to distrust him and there’s no good reason she should take him at his words if he chooses to say _because I want to_.

But Theo also can’t force himself to be fully honest with her, so he settles for, “I’m not going to hurt anyone.”

Malia keeps frowning. “I don’t have any reason to trust you.”

“I helped you before,” Theo points out, though more for the sake of it than because he actually thinks it’ll change her mind.

And, as expected, Malia goes back to glaring, “you helped before too. And then you betrayed us.”

Well, she’s not exactly wrong, is she?

“Is there something I can do to help you trust me?” Theo hopes this doesn’t come back to bite him in the ass, that she doesn’t say _leave and don’t come back_.

Malia studies him for long moments in silence. “I don’t know,” she finally settles on and Theo almost laughs. He can’t think of anyone else who’d say that. It’s disarmingly honest, and also heartbreaking.

“Is there something I can do to start?” Theo asks, has to force his voice to sound completely sure. Maybe not being so in control of himself would help Malia trust him, or maybe it would just make her think this is all a long game even more. Theo doesn’t think he’s winning this either way.

“Run with me,” she says and Theo blinks.

“What?”

Malia rolls her eyes, clearly finding him slow on the uptake. “Run. With. Me. As a coyote.”

Theo blinks again. Almost asks _how will that help you trust me?_ but thinks better on it. It’s not like she has many other people to go running as a full-shifted coyote, is it?

“Okay,” he says and shifts back to coyote. Malia does it too, then immediately runs off. Theo makes a sound – all animal – as he follows her, can’t help the way his tongue lolls off.

Theo doesn’t remember the last time he went running just for the sake of running. As he pushes himself faster and faster, he can’t imagine why that is. He promises himself this will definitely not be the last time. By the way Malia is running either besides him or in front (not in the back, not yet), he doesn’t think this will be her last time either.

Maybe it really can be a beginning.

.

It’s a Saturday morning and Theo is driving with Liam to the woods, Liam yawning next to him, a bag of sweets between his feet and two warm paper cups on his lap.

“Why are we doing this so early?”

“Because I have work later at the café and you need to study.”

“Please don’t remind me,” Liam says and Theo turns to smile at him. Liam drops the annoyed look quickly, smiling back. Then he balances the cups on his lap so he can keep them upright with just one hand and puts the other on Theo’s thigh, not really moving it, simply laying it there. It’s a good weight.

Liam starts humming under his breath, even though there’s no music playing.

“You can choose something to listen to,” Theo offers.

“You never have music on.”

Theo shrugs, “I got used to it.”

Liam squeezes his leg and Theo turns to him, though he has to switch his attention between him and the road ahead; not exactly packed, but the last thing he wants is to explain to Scott or to Liam’s parents how he got him into a car accident. “I didn’t say it as a self-pity thing.”

“I know you didn’t. That kind of makes it worse.”

Theo doesn’t say anything, stares ahead, forces himself not to squeeze the wheel too tight.

“I just mean… Some self-pity isn’t bad. I think it’s healthy.”

“Yeah?” Theo asks, turns to him with a raised eyebrow. Liam is staring back, seriously.

“Yeah. Sometimes I feel kind of…” He frowns, like he’s searching for a word. “Melancholic.”

“Melancholic?” Theo repeats, can’t help but to sound amused.

“Yeah,” Liam sends him a mock-glare. “I like being a werewolf but sometimes… It’s kind of unfair, isn’t it? I mean, just… How we’re hated even when we haven’t hurt anyone,” Theo can’t help but to make a face at that; he’s certainly not one of those people. Liam squeezes his thigh again, like he could hear his thoughts, but moves on, “and how life is never going to be the same. Like I know what’s out there. The Anuk-Ite, and thousand-year-old demons and Ghost Riders.”

“And Dread Doctors,” Theo adds and Liam nods, decisively.

“Yeah! And it’s unfair! And we should be able to feel that way. I mean, not every day, but sometimes, it’s okay.”

Theo doesn’t say anything, instead he goes ahead and parks at the side of the road. He thinks they’re off grid enough.

“Let’s do it.”

“Do what?” Liam asks, frowning, confused.

“Get out and yell out our frustrations.”

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah,” Theo says. “You’re right, it is unfair. It’s unfair that I was picked when I was a child to be some kind of… image of evil and got taken from my family and turned into this… monster.”

“Theo-” Liam starts, eyes softening but Theo shakes his head at him, keeps going.

“I’m not that anymore. I’m trying not to be that anymore. But it’s unfair that I even have to try,” he pauses. “It hurts to wonder what would have happened if the Dread Doctors hadn’t chosen me. How…” Theo swallows, “Tara would probably be alive.”

Liam doesn’t say anything, then, “you’re right. It is unfair.” He opens the car door, “come on.” He gets out, making sure to leave the cups on the back seat, without risk of falling and splashing everywhere.

Theo gets out too, locks the truck behind him and then walks behind Liam for a couple minutes.

They’re surrounded by trees when Liam starts yelling. The first one is short, though powerful, like Liam isn’t used to it. The second one is longer.

“Come on,” he says, turning to Theo and his eyes are shining, excited.

Theo blinks. Well, this was his idea, wasn’t it?

So he starts yelling. It doesn’t really come out that loud; Theo isn’t used to raising his voice, tends to hide his frustrations inside himself instead of simply yelling that out.

“You can do better!” Liam says and Theo yells again. This time louder, though it’s short. Then he opens his mouth and really screams, really throws everything in it.

When he finally closes his mouth, he’s panting. He turns to Liam with a kind of a manic grin on his face.

“That was awesome.”

“Yeah!” Liam says, then starts laughing. Theo laughs too; what the hell else is he going to do?

“This isn’t what we were supposed to be doing.”

“Yeah? What was your big romantic plan, then?”

“Have a romantic picnic. Then maybe do some dancing.”

“Dancing?” Liam asks, eyebrows raised and Theo shrugs, though he doesn’t feel embarrassed.

“Something silly.”

Liam looks at him for a couple seconds, then his face breaks on a grin and he takes out his phone. “I think I know exactly what you mean.”

Theo raises an eyebrow, pretty damn sure whatever he was thinking is not what Liam’s thinking of. But he still just waits him out.

Sounds start coming out of Liam’s phone. Something like a long _e_ followed by _mumaweh_. Then something like _uyimbue_.

Liam puts his phone on his back pocket and starts humming along. He reaches for Theo’s hands, starts moving his hips, kind of going along to the rhythm. Then he starts singing.

“ _In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight. In the jungle, the quiet jungle, the lion sleeps tonight_.”

Theo starts laughing, can barely keep up with the way Liam is dancing from how hard he’s laughing. Liam just keeps singing.

“ _Near the village, the peaceful village, the lion sleeps tonight. Near the village, the quiet village, the lion sleeps tonight_.”

Theo has to stop dancing, laughing too hard, hands on his knees to keep himself upright. Liam just keeps dancing and singing.

When the song ends, another one starts, something catchy and upbeat too, but Theo doesn’t bother paying attention to the words, instead pulling Liam closer and kissing him. He’s still laughing though, and so is Liam, which makes it kind of hard. So they just trade quick kisses.

“The coffee’s getting cold,” Liam finally says against his lips, his eyes crinkling from all the smiling; Theo’s can’t look all that different.

He laughs, then frowns, “is that… Shakira?”

“Yeah! From _Zootopia_?”

“What?”

“The film about the talking animals?? How have you not seen it?”

“I guess you didn’t put it on the list.”

“Okay, screw your romantic walk through the woods. We’re going back to your place to watch it,” Liam says, starts pulling Theo back to the truck with one hand.

Theo interlaces their fingers, letting out loose pearls of laughter as Liam keeps muttering about Theo’s lack of cinematic education.

God, he feels happy. He can’t wait to keep on living.

_(They’re going to die. After everything, after the Doctors, after the Beast, after the Skinwalkers’ prison, after the Ghost Riders, this is what’s going to finally put an end to Theo Raeken. Hunters. Boosted by a not so healthy amount of fear, sure, but, nonetheless, hunters._

_And the worst part, the thing that even riding the elevator Theo can’t fathom, is why the hell he’s here. Because Theo doesn’t have to come and fight, he doesn’t have to put himself in harm’s way, death almost guaranteed, possibly quite painful._

_Theo isn’t part of Scott’s pack, will probably never be. There is no actual good reason for him to be here._

_(Except there is. Theo wonders if Scott pondered that – the chances of Theo coming to help at the high school versus him going to the hospital, and what the main difference between the two locations is, what ~~who~~ is missing in one and present in the other.)_

_The elevator ride seems to last longer than usual, the humming of it the only thing Theo can hear for the first couple of floors. The hospital is eerily quiet; what happened to all the patients? The doctors, nurses?_

_Where is everybody?_

_He’s one floor down from where Scott told him the fight would be going on (something about three patients not patients) when he hears guns being cocked. There’re several heartbeats; all of them going faster than usual, but for different reasons. Most of them are excited, but one… One is scared._

_The elevator opens and Theo doesn’t think, just pulls Liam inside._

_“What are you doing here?” Liam asks and Theo takes out his beanie, doesn’t even know why he put it on in the first place._

_“I was just asking myself the same thing,” he answers, hopes the adrenaline rushing through Liam’s veins is too high for him to be paying attention to Theo’s heartbeat or scent. “I’m not dying for you,” Theo says, genuinely doesn’t know who he’s lying to._

_“I’m not dying for you either!” Liam exclaims, sounds kind of out of breath, cheeks flushed, angry, but also… ashamed? Unsure? Theo wants to put his nose against his nose and smell him, tear down his smell layer per layer to know exactly what’s going through his mind. “But… I will fight with you,” Liam’s voice brings him back to reality._

_Theo stares at him for a few seconds. That’s a nice way to put it – fight with you. But not very accurate, is it? The fact is, the chances of them living through this night are slim._

_(His more than Liam’s, Theo allows himself to admit, here, where nothing else really seems to matter, because he’s not going to let Liam die, the one who didn’t just bring him back from the Skinwalkers’ prison, but who made sure he stayed back. If Theo has to die to pay him back… So be it.)_

_“What?” Liam asks, his eyes a bit wild and all Theo can think is “we’re going to die, we’re going to die.”_

_He doesn’t want to die, is the thing. But if he is… Then there’s at least one thing he’d like to do before that._

_Theo raises a hand, slowly, sees Liam frown, following the movement, and then puts it against Liam’s cheek. Liam is looking confused at him, his eyes bugged out, but not afraid. He’s just… expectant, breathing loudly and in short bursts._

_Theo presses closer to him, kisses him on the lips._

_He doesn’t make it any more than that, doesn’t try and deepen the kiss. He finds that this soft, chaste kiss, is everything he wants at the end._

_Something without pain or hatred or anger. Something good._

_It’s not a long kiss – they can’t afford it to be – and then Theo is leaning back, watching Liam’s eyes open, slowly (Theo didn’t close them; didn’t want to forget any of this)._

_Liam swallows and then just… Stares at Theo._

_“Let’s fight,” Theo says and smirks, like what happened wasn’t important. It is, but he can’t afford to think of that._

_“We’re going to talk after this,” Liam says, half threat, half promise and Theo winks at him, sees him blush, can’t help but to laugh._

_He feels alive in a way he can’t quite remember ever being._

_The elevator opens and he and Liam get out, claws and fangs out._

_If this is how Theo dies… Then so be it. At least he got one good thing at the end of it all._

_And if they live…_

_Well, then they live.)_


End file.
